Monday, April 24, 2017

The long worry

Hey. It has been a little over two weeks since I learned about Señor. Only two weeks?! SHEESH. Feels like at least a month. Probably because I am a bag o' nerves.

(I also feel 12% bad about calling my embryo "Señor", if she turns out to be a Señorita.)

I am super good at panicking. Being anxious is just like my baseline of sorts. I'm terrified I'll lose Señor. I am almost to 7 weeks along, I know that there is a 90% chance of taking him to term at this point. And that next month it'll be closer to 97%, but I worrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy. I'm doing all that I know how to do to keep it. I cut out caffeine cold turkey. I avoid Listeria-susceptible foods. I drink water allllllll day long. I try to get in a walk (even if it's just a few laps around the grocery store before filling my cart) when I can.

I have an ultrasound in about eight days. I am doing everything I can to keep from convincing myself all these symptoms are a blighted ovum. I worry they won't find a little nugget in there. I worry they won't find a heartbeat. I worry.

As long as that goes well, and there is something flickering in there, I am hoping to have a blip of peace. After that I can sit back and continue to do all I can to keep Señor healthy.


As of right now, symptom-wise, all is pretty okay. I haven't dealt with a lot of the things I've read other people deal with. All sorts of bloating, light nausea, light dizziness, going from fine to extreme hunger pangs to blech-don't-even-want-to-think-about-food within a matter of minutes.
OH, the one thing that bothers me more than others is my back. It's not actual back pain, it's...tightness? Like my back is slowly seizing up? But usually just when I'm on walks or reaching over the shampoo bowl to work on a client.


I've been looking into cutesy announcements. D Rawk tends to have different ideas of what we should do than me. I show him things and he kinda goes, "Hmm". He doesn't emote much, unless he doesn't like it's not always easy to gage how into an idea he is. (Or how into a show he is, or how much he likes the meal I've cooked, or how his day is going, etc.)

I want to see if we can hold out until we move to Utah in July before telling the family. Derrick immediately told his brother. I immediately told Deborah. (We both needed that support, I think.) I will be about 17 weeks along (that is without any date changes that may happen from measuring at ultrasound), only a couple of weeks away from the anatomy scan that may tell if my Señor is a Señorita. So it would be fun to be almost half-way done when I tell everyone. :)

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