Holy crapola, I have a jawline!

Yes, it's another chubby post. Run away now.

Today my father not only posted the most hideous picture of me I have ever seen on his very public website, he also sent out a mass email directing friends and family to the recent updated mainpage. What the?!

This picture got me very depressed for a little while today. Not the fact that he posted it (though come on, dad, I don't post horrible pictures of you! Heck, I don't post any.) but because of how I look in it. I had absolutely no idea that I had gotten so chunky. When did that happen? Wasn't my dress for Liz's wedding a 10 or 12? Ok, ok, so I was 11-years-old, so what?
So in the past ten years I have gained around 100 pounds. Whoa. That's almost a pound a month.

These past three months have shaken me so badly out of my routine (I guess suddenly uprooting and moving 6 hours away and changing every single thing I do daily will do it) that I haven't yet been able to get back. I really really want to get back to working out every weekday and going on less than 1500 calories because I really really want to get in shape.

But I digress.
The suddenly published picture got me depressed. I don't let myself be proud of me enough. Even though I am not done with my goal, I have changed myself significantly. I have learned and picked up some good habits. I am (getting back) on track to completing this one goal.

But it is difficult, I have found, to continue such a personal goal like this without support from others around me. I am quick to put myself down. I need someone else acknowledging the accomplishments.
Like this past summer, for example. After losing the 30+ lbs I would say random comments about it and my looks to The Honeyman. He would ignore them and change the subject. Finally I asked him why he did this. He said that he felt acknowledging my comments about looking better would be agreeing with me that I looked bad before, which he didn't believe. That's sweet. Really. But it doesn't help me.

It has been said that I am very personal, possibly overly personal on here--such a public place, where literally anyone anywhere in the world can read my thoughts. That's true, I am pretty personal. But is that a bad thing? I am usually very closed-book in person, can't I have a place where I'm not? If you are uncomfortable with reading my personal thoughts why are you here? Is it too overly personal to just state the obvious? I'm chunky. I wish I weren't. I'm trying to do something about that. The end.

Anyway, so I was mad at myself because of this dang picture. It made me go through all the pictures I have of myself on my computer. I finally (finally!) let myself realize that I have changed a lot in only a year. Go me! And it is only the beginning.

So, yeah, I guess I can't talk so much about this infamous picture and not post it, eh? Kind of like a joke without a punchline? Ok, ok, fine. Only if you promise not to think any less of me because of this HORRID picture. ;) Pinky promise! Hahaha.

Ok, click to enlarge and all that jazz...

I would just like to give a big Welcome Back shoutout to my jawline.