The real question is how many times do I have to find that The Honeyman was right before I start listening to him in the first place?
I'm not social. I'm not! Nope, nope, nope! I avoid people, if at all possible. Not even just strangers, nope; Everyone!
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I went out to dinner with my parents, aunts, uncles and cousins for my uncles birthday last night. Do I start conversations? Heavens no. Do I reply when spoken to? Sure, one-word answers if I can help it. How am I doing? Great. Do you need to know more? Heck no.
When I can feel people looking in my direction, my straw suddenly becomes very interesting. I cling tightly to my mothers side and try not to think about the stupid statements my uncle is saying about the election. (I admit one outburst, but it was deserved. He was talking about how hard of a decision it was to pick a Governor for Utah. Oh heavens. I said, "Eww, not for me!" ...In the future I will attempt to keep these outbursts in my head.)
Did it matter that I was seated near an aunt and two cousins I hadn't seen since Sept of 2002? Of course not. The cousins didn't speak to me anyway, and my aunt kept asking how I was (that was covered in my longest conversation of the night: "Great, except I threw my back out this morning.") and asking about school ("I don't yet have the $15,000 tuition.")
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I find I do this with my siblings, also. (Deborah and Meridith not as much, because I grew up with them. Deb is 3 years older than me and Mer is 3 years younger.) It is probably because I was never close to my older siblings. They are 6, 8, 10, & 13 years older than me. I was in elementary school/junior high when they were getting married and having kids. My little monotonous life wasn't interesting to them. Instead of being a normal person and talking to them I guess I tried to be funny. I came off extremely annoying instead. Constantly getting in trouble with my parents for saying innapropriate or insensitive things. So I basically stopped trying. I didn't really hold conversations with them much. I still don't very much...I'm not sure why. It happens mostly with in-laws. But I am getting better. I used to be the annoying little sister, but I am becoming more of a sibling that people call just to talk to.
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One reason I am not wanting to join a ward is that I don't want to have Home Teachers. I don't! It wasn't so bad while I was living in my apartment because one was the younger brother of my roommate and the other was his attractive roommate. And because my two roommates would talk to the guys while I could sit by and listen, avoiding eye contact because then they might ask me to comment.
When I was at the stake singles ward my HTs came over once. Technically it was only one of them because the other had to suddenly cancel. I was terrified out of my head. ME? Sit alone in my living room with some incredibly attractive 24-year-old I didn't know, holding a forced conversation? No thanks. The guy was surprisingly cool. He told me about his girlfriend from Salt Lake, who he got engaged to 3 months later. I told him all about the different debate events (he asked...I didn't just spew off my nerdiness) because I was still coaching the debate team at that time. It was pretty fun. I rambled and didn't even think about what I was doing.
That was a one-time deal, basically. I get freaked at the thought of two of the guys from this new ward coming over. Heck, I can hardly handle it when I'm at FHEs and stuff. Sure, I will smile and say my name while shaking their hand when they randomly introduce themselves to me, but I'm sure as heck not instigating it.
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That, and the the fact that my self-confidence is .002%, is the reason I don't date. Heck, I couldn't even get through a night of having The Honeyman and Matt (-my-former-boyfriend aka a random guy from the ward I've met twice) over to watch a movie without the feeling of a giant anxiety attack waiting to happen while being in the constant state of sucking-in. Oh heavens! It's just Honeyman and Matt!! How in the world could I get through an evening with some guy who isn't my platonic-best-friend and a random annoying ward member???
But that's OK because there are no tall, not gangly, tall-&-chubby-girl loving guys in Utah County. I don't know if they exist, actually.
(Except of course for Honeyman's plan: "in the far far away future I will probably want to have a NCMO with you." Oh gee, let me find a container for my joy.)
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Oh heavens, I have to write Elder ZackyZack tonight. Not excited. I have absolutely no idea what to write to the guy. I am a horrible letter writer. I haven't even written him since the end of August. Oops. What a friend I am! :) I don't even know who else is writing the kid. He says he hates it when "all my friends write me on the same day, then I spend my entire PDay replying". How the heck many is "all my friends"? It must be a bunch of the guys. Nikki is suddenly good friends with ZackyZacks older bro, would she be writing him? I can't imagine any of the other girls in our little group from high school writing him. Sarah is married and living in Idaho, she definitely wouldn't be. Reba? Are you? Hahaha. I mean, sure, the guy could have a harem of girls waiting for him that I am completely unaware of, but for some reason I doubt it. We were pretty tight right before he left, he would've told me about them. Maybe that girl who "broke up" with him, who he didn't know he was supposedly dating, is writing him. That'd be hilarious.
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...Hmmmmm
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