Exciting insecurities

Deciding to pursue promoting myself and my business is equal parts so freaking exciting and absolutely terrifying. Few things bring out the insecurities the way this has!

I really dislike being fake and those who are fake toward me. I really, really dislike being marketed to in a fake way. This week I got a Facebook message from someone I haven't spoken to (IRL or not) in at least a decade. Her message, the first message in many many years, was an invitation to buy a product (I don't need) through her.
Hmmm. Yeah, no thanks.

Ugh, this all makes me so insecure.
I am a little terrified that I will come across this way if I start promoting myself. I just can't be fake about it.
And the moment I promote myself I am immediately convinced I can't do hair. Can not. Blahhhhh. I book out a day and then am panicked until the day is over. Even with people I've done before.

I mean, I have screwed up before. I've done beauuuutiful hair as well. But the great cuts, which are the majority, don't stick in my mind the way the too-short bangs do. Well-blended fades don't come to mind as I fall asleep at night the way over-thinning does. Or a face frame that started higher than desired. Or the little scratch on the little boy's neckline. Or the layering that didn't sit right. Or that snippy comment of "You did it right the first time, but you haven't gotten it right since."

Ugggggggggggggggghhh.  *deep sigh*  I'm trying, and that is what I can do. The bad this week hasn't happened, and probably (might) not happen. Don't overthink it, Susannah. Breathe. Anxiety suuuuuuucks.

But also, I'm just SO EXCITED! Having my own company (albeit a tiny one) is thoroughly overwhelming in the most delightful way. I have lists and lists of things I want to do. It's going to be (and already has been, in a smaller way) really stretching and growing personally. I have to hunker down and be organized and on top of things in a way that I've never done. Especially with starting to keep Jeremiah on a full schedule, which is not easy for me as well.

I need several hundreds of dollars upfront to really make things how I want them, but this is *definitely* not a possibility. (Turns out cutting back your hours at work from full-time to 4-5 hours a week somehow makes it impossible to succeed financially. Who woulda thunk it. Good thing my sweet baby boy is completely worth the tears of stress of being so incredibly broke.)

I want:
* different chairs for my observation waiting area (right now they're metal folding chairs)
* a futon for the carpeted waiting area
* a credenza for my TV and DVD player
* a booster seat (right now I'm using a shelf, haha)
* shelving for retail products
* retail products
* business cards (need to first solidify my brand and logo and all that jazz)
* fix the hydraulics on my chair (right now it only pumps up a tiny bit, and only if no one is sitting in it, hahaha.)

As of right now, I have a general theme of pop culture. (Do what you know, right?) A framed picture of me with Sean Astin and my nieces and one of Alan Tudyk and me are on the wall right now. I am thinking of framing my autographed headshots, but I'm not sure yet.

Most of my Wonder Woman posters are in frames now, but there are about 3 that I want to frame still. Then I have to decide if I want to stick with just Wonder Woman, or if I want to put up my few Star Wars artwork or frame up my many Ninja Turtles pieces for the waiting area. Oooo. After I decide that, I can start putting up the pieces. Because the wall is cement, I have to use Command hooks and really be sure of the location I want it to be.

I think I want some sort of shelving to house my many Funko Pop! and other brand figurines. All my nerdy goodies. Right now most of them are on the bookshelf in the living room, which I love, but they'd do well downstairs. Except I really don't want little hands all over them. So shelving at my eye level. Hahahahaha

I need to plug in the micro fridge, which holds 6 soda cans. I think that will be nice. :)

I'm working on cleaning out the garage, so clients can come through the garage to the door that leads right down the stairs. For several reasons, but mostly it will be nice to have a direct route that doesn't include knowing whether or not I'm up on doing the dishes or folding the laundry. Trying to keep a general idea of professionalism is difficult when you lead a client past the baby's diaper-changing station (which is on the dining room table, which sounds super weird now that I'm writing it up, but works well for us because we spend a lot more time in that area of the house than in Jeremiah's room). 


All in all, I am just so excited for the possibilities. It has potential to be exactly what I need to push myself in my career and take care of my family simultaneously. I'm trying to not worry about what could happen and believe in myself.
...now I just need to convince people to come to me, hopefully 8-15 such people a week. (Oh goodness, I'm overwhelmed again. Blech.)