Monday, January 16, 2017


I'm pretty lonely.

I mean, I'm always pretty lonely. I've always been pretty much on my own. Now I'm on my own, but with my husband.

I don't need to go out every night, or throw tons of parties or even be around a ton of people. I just need to not stay home every night, and do nothing every night.

Ambivert. I'm drained by social interaction, but I'm drained by being secluded. I need to be with people, but not have any interaction with them. Actually, that sounds exactly like the majority of the time I spend with Derrick, hahaha.


Christmas was hard. Blarghhhh.
D-Rawk usually spends the day at his aunt's house, with his cousin and Oma. I usually spend the day at my parents' house, hanging out with 35+ family members.
This year we spent most of the day in separate rooms, occasionally busting out a wolf whistle to let the other know we're thinking of them.

I missed my family a lot.

You know what doesn't help? Like at all? "Your husband is your family now."

Please point this out to me again, everyone. Because I don't think I got it the first several times.
My husband is my family. This tiny family is great, I love it.
You know what DIDN'T happen when I married Derrick? My siblings did not stop existing. My parents did not disappear. My nieces and nephews did not disown me.

It does not take away from my joy of being with Derrick. I would love if we both could be there, hanging out with everyone. Ya know, without the forced guilt trip of "This is your family now."

Here is the thing, though: Derrick is one guy. He hears all of my stories, all of my jokes, he is the one person I talk to on a consistent basis. He is one of my best friends, absolutely ...But I also miss my friends, and that is okay.

I haven't gone to a movie by myself since May, or maybe April? Which is odd because going to the movies alone is one of my favorite ways to unwind. I can relax by being with people, but not having to even make eye contact with anyone.
I haven't gone to a movie by myself because if I have the time to see a movie, I'd rather spend the time with Derrick. I'd rather go to a movie with HIM, or hang out at home with him. I just enjoy being with him.

But I'm still lonely.

Making friends as an adult is not easy, especially when my ward is made of of 172-year-olds and toddlers. A few of my coworkers are friendly enough, but we tend to work opposite schedules, so my free time is their work time and vice versa.

Blech. I'm going on a drive around Portland tomorrow (after running an errand for my husband), and taking myself to lunch and a movie. We are pretty broke, but I have coupons, gift cards and cash tips.

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