Saturday, August 27, 2011

"It's beautiful, seductive even, but it's incomplete."

Do you ever feel like you have to apologize for being you?
I hate that feeling.

I keep feeling like that this week.

I am an... interesting person, for lack of a better word. I am a whole lot of personality.
I am shy and a people-pleaser who wants everyone to have a good time. (White and yellow in the color code personality book.) I will not have an opinion if it means other people will better enjoy the situation. (Unless I really, really have a strong opinion abut it.) I let others pick the movie, the activity, etc. I want them to enjoy themselves with me.

I am loud; I don't mean to be loud, it just comes out that way. I speak loudly and animatedly, my laugh is loud. I try to be doesn't last.

I laugh/chuckle/giggle almost constantly. It's how I express pretty much any/every emotion. I chuckle when I'm nervous, I giggle when I'm scared, I laugh when I'm feeling awkward. I giggle without realizing I'm doing it.

I talk a lot; I like to tell stories, I like having a bit of an audience. When I'm quiet I get asked whats wrong? (typically nothing is wrong. I have nothing to say or don't want to be obnoxious.)

I'm built like a linebacker so I'm easily discounted as one of the girls. I'm not dainty, I'm not Provo Cute (a Natalie Portman/Anne Hathaway/Julianne Hough hybrid who can quote conference talks and would never wear a décolleté-baring top.) I am the best friend; the unthreatening person you call when your girlfriend is out of town/doesn't want to see that movie. I am...just me. (I hate being the best friend. I'd rather our friendship wasn't determined by your girlfriend's vacation plans.)

I don't fit in a group easily. I am too worldly for my churchy friends, too churchy for my other friends, too nerdy for the beauty industry, too hairdresser-y for the nerd community.

I don't see myself changing from who I am, and I'm not going to apologize for being me.

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