Ask me how do I feel from this chemistry lesson I'm learning

"So, who do you like?" The conversation starter of choice from ages 10-24. New friend or old bestie, same topic. Now that I am the ripe ol' age of 27 I don't get that one as much as the ever popular "So who can I set you up with?"

I often say "I don't date." which gets met with strangely sympathetic "Oh sure you do!"

Do I?

I will be the first to admit I do not realize when I'm on a date. I am oblivious to many things. Remember that time I left the voicemail on Sarah's phone that said, "Hey Sar, it's Sue. I think I'm on a date with a lesbian. I'll call you a later." yeah, totally true story.

(Not realizing I'm on a date is right up there with my being oblivious to when I'm being asked out. "Oh, its not cool that I invited my friend to come with us?")

Because every conversation, lesson in church and just about any question directed toward me involves dating I turned to my married co-worker and Dictionary.com to help me out here. (It's a slow night in the salon.)

What constitutes a date?
It says: A social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person.

She says: One-on-one getting to know someone.

Dad says: When you're together alone with a person.

I say: in that case I am dating a lot of people!

How does a date differ from hanging out with a friend?

Church says: Planned, paid for and paired off.

She says: Intent.

I say: I plan, pay for and pair off with no intent. This isn't helping!

What if it isn't clear whether or not it is intended to be a date?

She says: It should be made clear to both parties beforehand. If it isn't clear, treat it as such, but don't assume it is.

I say: 'Why are you acting so awkward?' 'I'm pretending, but not assuming, we are on a date.' Bwahaha!

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So, uh, yeah, IMHO I don't date.
"But why? Why, Susannah? Why are you not so pursued that you are busy every single night??"

I have no idea.