Thursday, June 23, 2011

They dote and swoon and fawn on a lady who's withdrawn / it's she who holds her tongue who gets her man

Hanging out on the Bonneville Salt Flats last year. I love this picture because it reminds me of the fun we had that day and because, ya know, my behind looks great in it.

I'm convinced my new neighbors can see into my bedroom at night. My blinds are the cloth kind, so I'm pretty sure that when it is dark outside and my light is on I am totally silhouetted and usually scantily clad. I'm not complaining, although I feel should get paid for the dancing.

My co-worker wants to set me up with her friend. He came in the salon the other day and she'd hoped I'd be there but I was in St George that day. She told my manager about her intentions to set us up and my manager agreed he is my "type" (although after perusing his FB profile [she showed it to me! I'm not stalking the poor kid. {yet.}] I can't really say I disagree with that assessment.)
However, I thoroughly disagree with the idea of me on a blind date! Oh heavens. As Ryan so eloquently put it: "He thought he was going out with Fun, Awesome Sue and instead Crack Head Sue showed up."
Crack Head Sue is overcompensation for being shy. It is a personality that emerges when I'm nervous about having to not be shy. It is an overly-loud, obnoxious thing. Unfortunately a good chunk of the guys I've gone out with have met Crack Head Sue.

You'd think I'd be fine with blind dates, as my job is quite similar to 20 blind dates a day.

Him: So how long have you been doing hair? Do you like doing it?
Me: Since 2006, and yeah...its my thing. [Are you pacified enough that I'll do a fine job?]
Him: Thats cool. What are your plans for the future? Do you think you'll continue at a salon like this or would you open your own place?
Me: Uh...I'm not sure. [I really have no plans for my future. I live with my parents. I don't have a car. Working at this well-known chain salon for near minimum wage is as far as I've figured out.] What do you do?
Him: I'm going to school at BYU.
Me: What are you studying?
Him: I'm going into law.
Me: What do you plan on doing with that? [Not that I care. At all.]
Him: I'm not sure yet. So what do you like to do when you aren't doing hair?
Me: Sleep. (forced chuckle) [Do you want the truth? I get home, strip off my hairy clothes, and try to erase my day from my mind. Put on workout clothes...procrastinate my workout by doing anything else...take off workout clothes. Check my email and FB, climb into my bed with my iPad and fall asleep listening to something on Netflix.]
Him: Are you into rock climbing at all? I really love rock climbing, running and mountain biking.
Me: I'm not much of a rock climber. [Bwahahahahahahaha; understatement.]

The other day I told a client that he looks like Alex Winter (I clarified with "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure...the one who isn't Keanu.) I really should shut up and stick to the hair, although its better than a few months ago when I told a guy he looks like Lyle Lovett. I'm just sayin'.

I go to bed looking like Anna Nicole or Anna Paquin or whomever I get told I look like (Monica Lewinsky) and yet I wake up looking like Doc Emmett Brown from Back to the Future. I combat this with a heavy dose of makeup that results in a look that screams: If Doc Brown Moonlighted as a Drag Queen. Got that visual in your head? You're welcome.

I am amused by what appears in my dreams. Things I don't realize I'm thinking about, people I haven't seen in years, weird situations.
Last night someone in my dream commented that my fingernails are really long. When I woke up I looked at them and thought, "Huh. They are getting pretty long."
I find that when I look at Twitter or FB near the time I fall asleep I end up with interesting visitors in my dreams.
Thats all. No story attached.

I made a goal to lose 65 lbs before I go on my trip this November. From mid-April to June I lost 20 lbs...then lost motivation, kinda. Self-sabotage, as usual. As soon as people started to notice a change I stopped working as hard on it. (I have issues. I'm well aware.) I don't realize how different I look in the moment. Looking back I can see changes easily. I miss my jawline.

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