Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Where my head explodes

Today may be the longest day in ever.
My Crack Smoker of an instructor (we'll just call her C.S.) sat down and said, "Ok, so uh, today we're supposed to read a chapter...I'm not really that prepared...do you want to just read the chapter during Christmas break? Ok, cool...today just work on something. Look busy so I don't get in trouble. ...Lets order pizza today, so give me $2 if you want to have any."
Then she told me I did not turn in the extra credit (true), therefore I've dropped my grade considerably. Wait a second, C.S., what is this you're spewing? Ah, she had decided that the "extra credit" she wrote on the board a few weeks ago was 20% of our final grade. Listen, Crack Smoker, something being 20% of my grade is therefore not "extra credit" and is now an "assignment."
...I told her that. In an extremely annoyed tone. Because she is grating on my I'm-not-packed-yet-and-I'm-out-of-money-and-really-tired nerves.
So I still have 7 1/2 hours left of sitting here, looking busy. Shoot. me. now.
She told me I was missing a test, and that I had to take it today. No duh, I told you that earlier! Fine, whatever.
She handed me the test and said, "It is a long one, 58 questions, but I'm sure these guys could help you." I laughed. They could help me? I consistently have the highest score.
I finished the test and asked C.S. to grade it. Halfway through she looked over at me, winked, and said, "Did you get some help on this?"
Woman, I am going to slap you.
I have kept a 99% average for years! Why are you asking me if I cheat? Not all of us are idiots like you.
This is the woman who, when she asked how I knew an answer to a study guide question a classmate answered "she's just smart", replied, "No, apparently she studied last night." No, Crack Smoker, I am just that smart.
Classmate: "Wait...atoms can be unstable?"
Susannah: "Yeah, but unstable atoms seek atoms to stabilize their electrons."
Crack Smoker: "Huh...good analogy."
So I'm wasting my school life by doing my "Extra Credit" assignment of defining Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, Silk Proteins, Panthenol, Glycerol, and Potassium Sorbate.
This is an assignment because Crack Smoker thinks all shampoos are created equal as they all general contain the same basic ingredients and we shouldn't spend money for the brand name products.
No freaking duh they have the same basic ingredients!
A cookie is a cookie. Flour, sugar, water, etc. It is the filler products that make it what it is. THIS IS JUST FREAKING LOGIC.
Of course a shampoo is going to have water and a surfactant! Of course conditioner is going to have water and some sort of humectant! And a preservative or two for good measure.
My freaking heck $&*%^W#$&*()#%@#%^$#@$^##$%$%^$!!!!!
Its like a lemon and an egg. Yeah, sure, you can use the acid of a lemon to strip the build up off your hair. Why not? And sure, you can use egg proteins to temporarily coat your hair. Why not?
But its ALL ABOUT THE FILLERS, Crack Smoker.
I'd rather have a cookie that had chocolate and maybe nuts or oatmeal, than a lump of flour and water.

1 comment:

Meridith said...

I like how you're freaking out while spewing out a bunch of chemical components like the whole world understands along with you. Nonetheless, I think you're funny.