Friday, April 04, 2008

"I made myself laugh, that's what counts." -Craig Ferguson

Every weekday evening I am emotionally torn. Torn right in two. Because I have to make the decision of Conan or Craig?

I have been loyal to Conan O'Brien for several years. Conan is King of the Nerds, and I love him. I still tear up laughing when thinking about the Peanut Suicides Channel skit I saw the day before my fifteenth birthday. A door opens and a man screams "Noooooo!" and the camera pans to a peanut in a noose. Hahahaha. Then you see the door again and the man and he screams again and the camera pans to a filled bathtub with a toaster in the water and a floating peanut. Hahahahaha.

But then something happened. I stumbled upon Craig Ferguson's show. And Oh my heavens, so funny. That accent, those skits, those catchphrases. Hilarious. "Welcome back, my naughty little monkeys." *whip crack sound effect*

And so Craig wins almost everyday. And he makes me laugh so much that I have to quote him to Tashina nightly. And she lets me, which is very nice of her. The great thing is that when Conan has a guest on that both Tashina and I like then Tashi will give me a heads up as to when to flip the channel. And then we watch together and declare our love of John Krasinski together. (Remember how I totally dibs-ed him back at the very beginning of The Office?! Yeah, I do. And I'm officially dibs-ing Ben Barnes, the guy who is Prince Caspian in the new Chronicles of Narnia movie. He was Dunston in Stardust.) And I've exchanged my chair for a big workout ball so I do crunches while waiting for my blastedly slow connection to load pages. It's productive time wasting.

Susannah: PROBLEM: Conan is on at the same time as Craig. NO FAIR
Tashina: awww. well, how about you watch craig and i'll let you know when ed helms is on
Susannah: GOOD PLAN, but I love Conan too. :(
Tashina: lol decisions, decions
Susannah: I know! (said in a craig voice)
Tashina: i don't know the craig voice
Susannah: You need to watch him more often!!! So freaking funny. He's talking about his imaginary sidekick, who first appeared when he was on flu medication. hahahaha.
Susannah: "I think I've got some sort of tension in my groin area-- I'm trying to be honest!--I've got some sort of tension in my groin area and its traveling up and making me all [squishy faced]" -Craig
Susannah: "Monday is the perfect bridge between Sunday and Tuesday for does the job well." -Craig
Susannah: "If we don't make fat mannequins then Al Qaeda wins, and then where are we?!" -Craig
Tashina: "if i'm giving peacock feathers to the male guests, i want to know about it" - Conan

Tashina goes offline then immediately back online.

Susannah: Welcome back.
Tashina: Thanks. Whats new since I been gone?
Susannah: I decided my abs hurt. Thats new.
Susannah: The part where I have abs, not the pain; pain is a constant in my world.
Tashina: Ouch
Susannah: Because, ya know, beauty is pain.
Susannah: *rimshot*

Susannah: "They had to saw the tooth in half before they took it out. But it was hard because there was a bridge and the tooth was under the bridge. It's like I had a homeless person living in my mouth." -Craig
Tashina: hahahahahahahahahahahaahhahah
Susannah: HAHAHAHA, Craig is showing his broken tooth and is playing with the little bottom piece and is doing a troll voice and is talking to the other tooth bit and the bridge. "You may not cross until you answer my questions three."
Tashina: lol
Susannah: And he goes, "If you're just joining us, this is not Tom Cruise."
Tashina: hahahahahahaha
Susannah: "If you're just joining us: I had a tooth out this day. This day, today. I'm running a bit of a fever. And the medication is AAAAAWEEEESOOOOMME." - Craig.
Susannah: This is sad: Late Night TV is the highlight of my day.
Tashina: That is sad.
Tashina: c'mon you know you want to be rafe spall's myspace friend
Susannah: I could never have enough friends who don't care. Really.
Susannah: Dear Hayden Christensen,
The mustache does not help you look any less girly. Rather, it makes you look like a woman with problematic follicles.
Tashina: hahahahahaha
Tashina: I want to see Jumper
Susannah: Yeah, me too. Even with Le Femme Hayden.
Susannah: "In all of my relationships we all had a things in common. We all hated me." -Craig
Susannah: "Oh well, I make myself laugh and thats what counts. Not in show business, but in my life thats what counts." -Craig
Susannah: "DO NOT CLAP my wicked eye thing! Then they'll know I'm doing my wicked eye thing!" -Craig
Tashina: hahaha
Susannah: "If I wore this tie and nothing else, that would be a great Valentine's Day outfit. Hahahaha, flu medication, that's all I'm saying." -Craig
Susannah: "By the way, thats the name I used to dance under, Dusty Fruit." -Craig
Tashina: lol
Susannah: Obsession is healthy, Tash.
Tashina: for sure
Susannah: About his guests getting him sick: "I don't care what she's got. That girl comes out here with leprosy, I'll be all over her like a cheap suit." - Craig
Tashina: hahahaha
Susannah: If headache is H and I am S and pain is x then: S+H=6x
Tashina: awwww
Susannah: AND I DIDN'T EVEN FINISH HIGH SCHOOL. I am a geeneeyus.
Susannah: Note: For the past, oh, two years, Vince Vaughn looks like he was rammed by a bus. Repeatedly.
Tashina: hahahahahahaha
Susannah: Remember when he was really attractive? Good thing that year was documented fully in Jurassic Park 2.
Tashina: yeah, that was a good year
Susannah: HAHAHA, Craig Ferguson just closed his show by undoing his tie, unbuttoning his shirt, and saying "We're having a hot tub party, and you're invited."
Tashina: hahahaha nice

And then I found out that Craig Ferguson is going to be in Las Vegas on my birthday this year. So, yeah, I know who I'm stalking what I'm doing that week.

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