I can't really be THAT much smarter than every single person around me, can I? I mean, how is our civilization going to flourish when these idiots are at the helm? (note to self, don't type "helm" because you will then spend the next twenty-three minutes Googling pictures of Ed Helms.)
Last month my assistant manager, Connie, went in the back office to try to get the CD player working. After about fifteen minutes she came out and complained that it must be broken and nothing she did would fix it.
(I am horribly conceited when it comes to electronics, quite sure that I can work anything better than another person.)
Connie asked me to go check the CD player for myself, smug that I would not figure it out, as she hadn't.
I turned the machine on and off, speeding through tracks, trying to trick the machine into playing. The player flashed "no media detected" so I thought...Hmmmmm, that would mean... and I opened CD drawer. I KID YOU NOT the CD was upsidedown.
I laughed until tears fell freely.
Connie had to fax some paperwork to corporate, and she finally realized that just plugging the fax machine into the power outlet wouldn't send it anywhere. So she dragged the fax machine to the front desk and made a few other attempts to send the paperwork. She told me she succeeded.
Lori stopped by with two telephone cables and a connector for the two. She asked me to give them to Connie, so she could trail the cables from the back office (where the fax machine sat) to the front desk (where the telephone jack is).
In typical ME fashion, I didn't give up the cables to Connie, but instead plugged the machine in the power outlet in the back office, plugged in the first telephone cable, attached the extension connector, and dragged the phone line out to the front desk. I asked Connie where the telephone jack was, and she replied by pointing to the ceiling. "Up there?" I asked her. She explained that the technicians had put al the cables into a metal pole that runs from the ceiling to a hole in the top of the desk. So all that was sticking out was a telephone cable. HELLO!
I asked Connie where in the heck she expected me to plug in the cable I was holding. She stared at me blankly. I asked Connie how she managed to connect the fax machine, and she replied, "I took that string in your hand and plugged it into the telephone."
You are kidding me. Tell me you are kidding me.
She, a 45-year-old woman, unplugged the telephone from its jack and plugged the fax machine into the thelephone...the telephone not connected to any landline.
I asked her how she knew it had workd. Her response? "It beeped."
Geniuses. I am working with geniuses.
So I unplugged the 100 ft of telephone cables, dragged the fax machine to the front desk, unplugged the telephone, plugged the landline into the fax machine, and faxed the documents to my district manager. And then my d.m. called to say she recieved it.
I really deserve a promotion, or at least a bigger paycheck.