Monday, April 23, 2007

Into exile I must go, failed I have

I am not used to this feeling. It is awkward and new! But I am excited to go running tomorrow. Eek, I know! Who knew that I would ever enjoy that kind of physical activity? Certainly not me. But apparently all it takes is a treadmill in my house, motivation from the mirror, an inhaler so I don't die, and multiple bras. (Do I go overboard with what I divulge? Yes, every time.)

One of the biggest reasons I had moved my TV and all that paraphernalia into my bedroom was so I could work out at my leisure (that sounds a bit oxy moronic, eh?) without my roommate wandering around to lock various doors, open cupboards, turn on fans, blast the air conditioner, leave egg shells in the sink, and whatever else it is she does around here. But I haven't gotten to finish cleaning and rearranging the rest of my that didn't really work so well.

I was unemployed on Thursday, so I finally had time to jump around the house and get all sweaty-like without my roommate home. I knew that I didn't want to move all of my TV equipment back to the living room, so I moved only my DVD player and the little TV into the other room. DUH! I really am a genius! ("That's what the card says.")

This little surge of ...whatever comes at a proper time, as two weeks ago I was back up at my highest weight. Remember that I lost 45 lbs just two years ago?! (Ok, ok, no food and 3+ hour workouts daily wasn't smart, I know, but COME ON I got a great new jawline and everything!)
I told my sister, Elizabeth, about my reaching that greatly dreaded point again. Using her training as a dietician she asked if I knew what happened, if I may have taken in more calories? Uh...yeah. I told her Heck yes I did! I take full responsibility for it; no excuses. I have been so stressed out in the past month or so!!! I got stressed and took it out on the microwave! Some people have yoga, other people have alcohol, I have carbohydrates.

It was a temporary blip. I'm down 12+ lbs from that total, thank goodness. However, if I gain/fluctuate more than 15 lbs I will officially be the heaviest person in my immediate family. The nearly baby sister of the family...Heavier than my mother, my three sisters, my daddy and my three (6'2"ish!) older brothers. None of whom are small in stature. Dang.
I told that to Sarah and she asked how that makes me feel. Quite honestly, it's pretty depressing. Nearly enough to drive me back to the whole not eating, constantly working out state of mind again. (I said "nearly"...I don't want any worried phone calls!)

Regardless ("irregardless, unregardless") of all that crap I have gotten into running. :) I'm not going to do marathons anytime soon or any other absolute craziness like that; but, with my lovely steroid filled inhaler, I am actually looking forward to this week. I have very few hours at work, leaving me time to pant and sweat and trip over my own feet quite a bit. :)

I'm starting to pile up what movies I want to play this week--the burning in my calves is less painful when I'm watching Yoda.


my random red hair underneath the blonde

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