In one of my favorite Calvin & Hobbes strips Calvin asks Susie "Do you hate being a girl? [susie: "It's gotta be better than the alternative"] What's it like? Is it like being a bug? [susie: like a WHAT?] I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to comprehend the magnitude of it." It cracks me up every single time.
Well, Calvin, it's like being an extremely emotional cazy bug.
Who knows why...I'm really tired, stressed out, probably hormonal, and overall just nuts...but I've been crying for almost an hour over nothing!
Well, I can't really say nothing, as it is more like everything. I was driving home alone late at night once again, listening to Michael Buble, and just burst into tears over my haircut.
My freaking haircut! That I've had for nearly three weeks!
I decided that I was momentarily insane when I let her cut it all and couldn't believe that I chopped all that length off! Then I decided that the blonde, which I wanted for YEARS, is such a wrong color for me, because I have such a pink-based skin tone. And I cried even harder, for nearly five minutes. It was all crazy because the haircut is fine, and the blonde works for me. Sure, a tan would help, haha.
Then I starting bawling about anything that came to mind: my heart has started hurting again, and I don't know why. And then I started crying because what if tonight is the night I should sleep in more than booty shorts because maybe my heart will just give out and someone will have to find me. And then I started crying because I'm completely overreacting, but I don't have health insurance because right when I was about to get it I decided to switch jobs. And I got my official rejection letter from the Bellagio last night, so now I'm looking for a new job again. Then I started crying because I am such a mess as an employee and I find myself saying, "Sorry, I'm just spacey today" every single day.
Then the song "Home" came on and I starting crying about how much I'm going to miss my parents and siblings when they start dying. Then I started crying about what if Ezra isn't born perfect and healthy in a few weeks? Then I started crying because why can't I just plan a party that goes well and people actually attend? Then I started crying harder because my mascara was getting in my eyes and was burning. Then I started crying because I completely messed up my makeup. And then I started crying because I am turning 23 in a few months and soon I am going to pass Clarke as the oldest age anyone in the family got married. Then I started crying because no matter how many times I "restart" I still have 100 lbs to lose. Then I started crying because I'M SO TIRED and 5-6 hours a night just isn't cutting it. Then I started crying because Irma wants me to do her hair for her wedding in June and HELLO, NO PRESSURE THERE.
Then I got home, finally.
Oh my, I am such a bug! Give me a few days.