Wednesday, May 17, 2006

"I am the one up to whom you suck." -my dad, trying to not dangle his modifiers when telling me he is the one with money so I need to suck up to him

Shocking to everyone is the news that I don't like to talk with people with whom I am not acquainted. I know, I know, it's hard to believe.

This becomes difficult when walking through the small halls of the office building. I have a few choices when I come upon another person. I can A) pretend I am on my cell phone. However, this only works if I actually have my cell phone in my hand, which is rare. Pretend cell phone usage wherein the phone is the pretend part does not indeed work. B) I can stare straight ahead. This is a good idea only when something could be attention-getting ahead of me. When we both know I am staring at a white wall to avoid conversation it begins to get more awkward. Or C) I can look at the ground. This is what I usually choose. It does not seem to the viewer as unusual looking as it sounds, as I am often in uncomfortably tall heels and the need to watch for small objects I could trip on is mandatory.

However, sometimes I am not fast enough and the other person gets a word or two in before I have time to begin my avoidance. Then its panic time and I usually spit out a few hardly cohesive statements and include some forced chuckles.

Why are words necessary? I saw you six minutes ago when I walked by your office, we forced conversation then. Why do you need to know how "it's" going right now? Unless I have broken a limb between then and now I am pretty sure "it" is going the same.

So when I was too slow avoiding the glance of Mike, the landlord dude of the building, I was surprised to not be asked how "it" was going. Instead, Mike winked at me. LOVED THAT. How hard was it to not start laughing immediately, you ask? Oh, very!

So using the Secret Codebook that all girls have memorized, I was forced to come to the conclusion that Mike wants "this"--however, I have to say to him "Listen, bud, you're cool and all but we need to be rational about this. When I'm in cute shoes you come up to my shoulder. I just don't think it was meant to be." I hope he isn't too crushed, as he controls the air conditioner.

I don't avoid him anymore, as a wink means acquaintance. However, I think I've begun taking it too far. Today I said "Hey, Mikey" ala Corey Feldman in The Goonies. We can breathe a collective sigh of relief, as he did not hear me.

That is all.