Thursday, May 11, 2006

Go Fish

I'm thirsty, man. I want a XLarge diet Coke right about now...however, I can't even get a blasted drink of water. Why? Because Nevada water is nasty! And even if I did decide to subject myself to its warmth and metallic-ness I don't have a cup.

Boo.

Story time.

A few years ago, before my Momma finally hired a lawn service, I mowed the lawn every Saturday. I hated mowing the lawn for a few reasons, including: A) I had to wear closed-toe shoes. I dislike wearing shoes that require socks, so this was no fun for me. B) Our lawn is HUGE, and it would take me a few hours to get only halfway around the house. C) The temperature in Utah in the summer is dang hot--mid 90s, usually.

So I would throw on headphones, press play on an old Walkman I found in the basement, and let the mix tape I made flow into my head.
The monotony was occasionally broken up by the presence of a bee. I hate bees with a passion; they scare me. So when a bee came near me I ran away, squealing.

One day Meridith had mowed the back lawn, so I just had the entire front and the side to do. I finished one half of the front and started on the side. This took me for.ev.er.

When I finally got to starting on the second half of the front lawn I was beyond boredom and into pure silliness. By this time it was probably nearing 4 o'clock. The sun was no longer beating down on me so the temperature had cooled a bit. I started to concoct an idea...

"How about" I thought to myself "I make a design in the grass?" That seemed like a good plan to me. I started to imagine what kind of swirls I could mow into the lawn when I came upon the mother of all genius design-in-the-grass ideas.

"I WILL MOW MY NAME INTO THE LAWN!" I thought. Such a genius plan had never been attempted in this neighborhood and I knew I was just the person to do it!

I began near the light post, mowing a single line diagonally from the walkway. After about ten feet I curved the line around and headed perpendicular to how I came, curving again to create one awesome cursive S.
I picked the lawn mower up just enough to pull the blades away from the grass, but still low enough to guide with the wheels. I positioned the mower a foot away from my S masterpiece and began a new line. This one was shorter, I quickly lifted the lawn mower enough to swivel on one wheel and returned it to the line just created. After swiveling one more time I led my lawn mower on some loops. Things were turning out better than I had hoped.

So there I was with some writing in my grass, but long grass around it. I still needed to cut the lawn. Ugh. So I began my monotonous trek around the yard, line after line I cut. When I got to my creation in the center I began tracing it with the lawn mower--leaving a tiny patch of longer grass all around it. I was amazed with my skills.

When I was finally finished with my masterpiece I ran into the house and called for my mother and sisters to come outside.

My mother stood in the doorway with an odd expression on her face. Almost the same expression as when you call her flared jeans her "Sexy Pants"--a funny-but-inappropriate face. I wasn't sure if she would be angry or not.

Finally my mom started laughing. She has a weird, weird daughter and she was well aware of it. Meridith and Deborah laughed as well.

About a week and a half later I was given the order (yeah, order) to mow my name away. I tried to take a few pictures of the lawn with my dads camera right before I slowly cut it away...but it turned out to have the film loaded incorrectly and no pictures of my name mowed into my front lawn exist. Sad.

This is sorta what it looked like, except the S is too curly and funky. Mine was a simple, yet rad, cursive S.

2 comments:

Meridith said...

The funny part of Susannah's escapade was the constant stop and start of the lawn mower sounds we heard from inside for that hour it took her to mow the letters.

I must admit, the grass looked awesome--I wish we could have kept it...or at least included my name.

Sariah in Vancouver said...

How fun! Too bad you don't have a pic, wouldn't that be great?!? Of course, you could always do it again someday... lol