as the pain sweeps through / makes no sense for you / every thrill is gone / wasn't too much fun at all -david bowie

It is over between My Nextel Boyfriend and me. It's not you, it's me. ...No, wait, it's mostly you.

The whole situation has just lost its charm.

It all started with me being bored at work. I needed a project. I needed someone to watch. (Should I really admit how much joy I find in the slightly stalkerish behaviors I have?) After looking around I found (almost) 20-year-old Ben. (Yeah, he has a name now; which added to the break-up.) Not necessarily someone I was interested in, just my project.

But it has gone too far.

Especially now that he is no longer just a funny little project of my own and is now openly talked about at work, has a name and personality accompanying the face, and is most likely aware of his title. (The fact that the daughter of one of my managers is his friend really really helped the end come to light.)

Once he started really catching on to what was happening it lost its fun. Being caught gets old pretty quickly.

Oh well... It was fun while it lasted. It passed many boring hours at work and led to many funny conversations--like this one with Ellie: [click to enlarge]



---

This week made it an official THREE YEARS since my last date. (May 31st 2002)

The Honeyman and I were discussing my bad habit of immediate rejection whenever a guy asks me out. It isn't on purpose--it isn't my real answer! Hahaha. It is just my automatic reaction. I've done it almost every time, Oops!
Susannah: "I've always been like that. Remember how when you asked me out [to Homecoming] I hung up on you?"


I've only not done that twice. One was The Honeyman:
He ran into the classroom I was hanging out in during lunch and said, "Susannah! Wanna go to Prom with me?" I laughed and said "Sure!"

The other is the May 31st 2002 one; Zack:
I was walking out of the school with Reba, Sarah W, and Nikki. Zack came up and started walking with us out the building. He was rambling on about something. He said, "Hey, Susannah...you know my friend Ryan?" I was thinking 'of course I do, idiot, we hang out with him every day', but I said, "Yes, I do." Zack said, "Well...he has a date tomorrow night." I said, "How did he manage that? Hahaha." Zack chuckled then started again rambling on about this date Ryan was going on. I wasn't listening. I didn't really realize he was talking to me. I heard his say something about choosing his "favorite girl" then say "and that's you." I think I smiled...I still wasn't really paying attention to him. At one point he said something like, "So, you want to?" I wasn't sure what he was talking about but I said, "Sure." When he said, "Ok, I'll pick you up at 6:00" my brain suddenly flipped into the ON position and I was like 'WHAT IN THE HECK DID I JUST AGREE TO?!' Hahahaha.