"Nothing like some good ol' stalking to lift ones spirits!"

I have recently, as in the past 3 months, had this amazing burst of confidence. It's not a I'm-so-cool nor holier-than-thou type of confidence. Just the realization that the little things I worry so much about REALLY AREN'T IMPORTANT. I mean, heck, I am often self-conscious because I didn't wear earrings when they would've made the outfit. Who cares? Does anyone really notice that type of stuff? I don't like answering the door if I'm in frumpy clothes, although THE UPS MAN DOESN'T CARE! I have this little mold of perfection that I try to shove myself into with everything I do, say, and wear.

But recently the worrying has all been very toned down. Elizabeth says it is the working out every day. It's not specifically the being skinnier (though that probably adds to it immensly), but maybe the endorphin surge that working out brings; or maybe the seritonin levels in my brain are finally on-balance (which is what my perscription for Prozac was attempting to do; it lessens the bodies reaction to anxiety.)

I've always been self-conscious about every flipping thing about me, that hasn't left, it is just a lot less now.

Especially in social situations. I've always had a lot of aquintances but few friends. I've always had the fear that because the larger group would become attached because of how I acted in one situation (ie- in classes, at Girls Camp, with a certain group of people, etc.) once I acted differently, or actually was myself, they would no longer enjoy me. I kept people at a distance on purpose. Not any more. I am thoroughly enjoying getting new actual friends!

I've always kept my real feelings from people. For absolutely no reason except for an insane fear of rejection. (thought: "I had a blast with you at the mall today" No, I can't say that! What if she didn't have fun and was only putting up with me? Would I guilt her into saying she had fun? thought: "That shirt looks really good on you" I can't say that! He's going to think I want him and be freaked out!) It's annoying, really.

ButI am not so much like that anymore! I can now be silly and realize that it really doesn't matter if one particular person thinks I'm a dork. (because I am, haha)

A random example that total shows what I mean:
During one of the last nights of Wizard of Oz Tyler asked me, "So...are we going out tonight?" "We" being The entire group of people who usually go out together after the show. Instead of saying, "Why, Tyler, I'm not sure about that. I haven't spoken to everyone and found out the specific plans.", which is what he was really looking for. And instead of saying "Ummm... going out? [mumbled] I haven't been invited...ummmm.", which is what I would've said a few months ago. What did I do? I winked at him. Haahahhahaaha! That's all. Didn't answer the question, didn't worry about what he might think nor how me might misconstrue the meaning, nope. Just winked.