I've been chastised for my lack of interesting posts lately by many people now. Clarke says I need some "grit." Ummmmm, I think my life is gritless, sorry.
---
It is amazing how often I get to do what I do best: act like an idiot.
The fire alarms went off at the mall today. I, being as easily amused as humanly possible, got really excited and started giggling my head off. I was permanantly glued to the front doors, watching the lights flash, listening to the alarm blare, and watching people flee quickly from neighboring stores.
When the alarm finally shut off (about 3 or 4 minutes after it started) My Nextel Boyfriend came wandering over. Straight in my direction. I was freaked out. ?!?
The Conversation:
Nextel- "That was pretty crazy, huh?"
Susannah- "Heh, yeah, ...that was freaking loud."
Nextel- "I don't think there are any handle-activated alarms..."
Susannah- "Oh ... really?"
Nextel- "So it must have been triggered by someone's cigarette or something."
Susannah- "Yeah... totally. It was freaking annoying...and loud. And poor you, you didn't have any coverage! It was a lot quieter in here than out there."
Nextel- "Oh yeah?"
----------
What Really Happened:
my brain- Oh no...is he coming over here??? Please no, please no! No, no, no...keep walking. Walk in the store, walk past me. I can handle a "hello", but please don't talk to me! Please?!????? Dang it...you are coming toward me. Crap. Think fast, self, think fast. Smile. Say Hi. Do something. Stop staring at the floor. NOW! Oh no...he's talking, what is he saying?
Nextel- "That was pretty crazy, huh?"
my brain-Ah, you can handle this.
Susannah- "Heh, yeah, ...that was freaking loud."
my brain-"freaking loud"? what in the crapola am I saying??? STOP LOOKING AROUND! Try at least a little eye contact or something, come on. You suck at this. Oh dang it...he's talking again. What in the world did he just say? Thatd suck if I replied to something he didn't say, hahahaaha
Nextel- "I don't think there are any handle-activated alarms..."
my brain-What? Oh...haha, I understand. Duh. ...really? There isn't?
Susannah- "Oh ... really?"
Nextel- "So it must have been triggered by someone's cigarette or something." {chuckle}
my brain-LOOK UP! The floor is just fine, you don't need to keep staring at it. Hey! Not the lamps. They are fine by themselves too. Look up, dang it. Look, he is laughing. You can giggle without it being awkward or inopportune, hahaha. Yay!
Susannah- "Yeah...{awkward, forced giggle} totally. It was freaking annoying...and loud."
my brain-Oh wow. How in the world did I screw up something so natural to me like giggling??? And where in the crapola did "freaking annoying" come from? No it wasn't, it was rad. Loud...that just had to be pointed out again? He was standing in it...he KNOWS it was loud. Oh crap...he's walking away. Say something SANE! Act like a normal human being, come on!
Susannah- "And poor you, you didn't have any coverage! It was a lot quieter in here than out there."
my brain-Not our most shining moment, but a vast improvement.
Nextel- "Oh yeah?"
my brain-Well...he's back at his kiosk now. Looks like it's back to staring at the lamps for me...
MAY I PRESENT TO THE JURY-- EXHIBIT A --Entitled "Exactly why I do not date"
I'm my own worst enemy.
No comments:
Post a Comment