[[ Apparently this post is frustrating some people. Technically, it is MY blog and I can write whatever the crap I want to. Apparently it needs to be pointed out to everyone that this post is not about The Honeyman. I am merely using him as an example. And this post is not about my hatred toward girls who get attention. What kind of logic is that? It is merely a post about my feeling bad for girls who fall for guys who are not interested in them. Why is that so hard for everyone??? I've gotten more positive responses than negative, but strangely the negative ones seem to be blowing up in my face. I don't care if you disagree with me. Just leave me alone about it! ]]
I had a brief conversation about this with a friend yesterday, and because of a similar conversation tonight, I decided to post it.
Pay attention
Guys will see a girl and decide whether or not they'd be interested in her. Their opinion might change for the negative once they find she lacks any personality or brain completely. Usually something near the opposite is true for the girls: judgement is held off. Innocent until proven guilty? They will fall for something a guy says or does. Being kind to her, paying attention to her, and having a sense of humor are the top traits looked for--in what I've been observing recently.
Single guys of the world: stop flirting when there are no intentions behind it. We're done with that. Sure, it was funny, maybe even fun for a while. But any inkling of fun is now gone. She's sick of it. Do you really want to be the guy she says, "Sure, he is nice to me and flirty but he's like that all the time with everyone!" about? You wonder why she isn't accepting any of your attempts? It's because she can not and will not take you seriously. We're done with it. Flipped: You wonder why she is suddenly overly interested in you? She takes your advances more seriously than you mean them!
It's like The Honeyman and his many throngs of girls flocking to him. The guy is flirtatious with every girl. He has no right getting annoyed when a bunch of girls he doesn't like start revealing their feelings for him. You can not pick and choose if you play it that way, Buddy.
But it's funny with The Honeyman because he will flirt with everyone around the girl he likes, to attempt to look less ummm...obvious? for lack of a better term. He'll have his hand on your knee, but will be looking at her across the room/table/etc. (Do I know you too well, or what?)
There have been three girls, that I'm aware of, in the past two months to have fallen for him. Why? Because although they knew they were not the object of his actual affection, they were getting his attention. That made them fall, hard. It's not fair to him, suddenly left with the task of letting them down easy and dealing with awkward friendships afterward. But it's most certainly not fair to the girls.
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I've tried to explain it to guys before, but it obviously didn't work as well as I'd hoped, so I will make another attempt.
There are...let's say... 3 basic types of high-teen, early 20s girls. You have #1: "So popular I have to turn down dates", #2: "Doesn't get much attention", and #3: "Ignored".
Most of my friends in high school fell into the first category. --Moment of silence while we wish evil things upon them-- I, however, fall into #2, as do a lot of my friends.
#1 girls will take any flirtatiousness as run-of-the-mill conversation. It's a daily occurance. It means nothing. If you have actual intentions you need to make them known, otherwise you are just another guy. Example- Brittany, one of my best friends. Head chearleader in high school. Cute, bubbly, blonde. Any guy and every guy nice to her and flirty with her. She was engaged two years ago to a nerdy computer-techy guy. Very much not her type. Why did he end up with her? He took a stand and made his intentions known to her. (She later learned what a jerk he was and broke off the engagement. But she is getting married in 2 weeks to a guy very much her type. Yay for her.)
#2 girls are not used to attention. This needs to be repeated: These girls are NOT used to attention. They do not know how to deal with it. Do they blow it off? Do they take him seriously? Do they start addressing wedding invitations? THEY DON'T KNOW!!! It is practically cruel and unusual punishment to toy with them. Don't flirt with the ugly girl in the corner because you are thinking you are doing them a favor, 'cause you aren't. If you are interested in a #2 girl, then BY ALL MEANS, show them as much attention as you see fit. But don't be surprised if they standly awkwardly by, laugh, or just shy away. Your meaning didn't fly by them. They just are not sure how to handle it. Give them time. But do not, I repeat do not flirt with them with no intentions backing it for your own fun. Because of their lack of experience with attention they will most likely take you more seriously than you want them to.
#3 girls are not to be used as playthings. I've seen, far too many times, people thinking they are being "nice" by showing false attention to a #3. It's not, you're not. Ignored people are people. They need genuine friends and genuine attention just like #1s and #2s.
So, to recap (Censored so I can keep friends. Who can now bite me.) My point is you should really not pay so much attention to, and be flirtatious with the girls you are not interested in!!!
It makes it easier on them as well as you.
1 comment:
HaloScan is about to delete the comments...so I'm throwing them here:
So true.
Tashina | Homepage | 04.13.05 - 12:42 pm | #
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i think i hate you
honeyman | 04.13.05 - 8:52 pm | #
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you heard me hate
honeyman | 04.13.05 - 8:54 pm | #
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I'm the jerk?
Susannah | Homepage | 04.13.05 - 9:04 pm | #
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ok i really dont hate you at all
honeyman | 04.13.05 - 9:40 pm | #
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i think im a type 2 BOY that happens to me all the time! you go girl friend! *snap* *snap* *snap* spread that anti masculinist candy all over the ground so little girls pick it up and beat their husbands up later in life!
Anonymous boy in wizard of oz | 04.13.05 - 9:47 pm | #
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oh and i am definately not the winkie general
Anonymous boy in wizard of oz | 04.13.05 - 9:48 pm | #
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Susie is hot! (that is playful friendly flirting and truth...it's stating a fact not planning a marriage )
Aaron | 04.13.05 - 9:49 pm | #
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Well well well. That was quite the monologue that has been posted on this blog. As a matter of fact, I found it rather amusing. I'm still chuckling about it. Really, there is no sarcasm there. And as much as I understand and agree with it, I do have some issues with some of the things said. Now, I'm not one to post something in hopes of a reaction that starts a nasty, pointless, immature cat-fight because of mere opinions from one female to another. As you yourself did Susannah, I would simply like to post my opinion.
Sue, let me tell you a little bit about myself. I have brown hair, green eyes, and weigh in at 125 pounds. Some would call me skinny, others who have been diagnosed with severe cases of anorexia and/or bulimia (if it is possible to be diagnosed with both) would say so otherwise. My boobs aren’t large, I haven’t had plastic surgery, and people have VERY different opinions about my looks. But I do have one thing that many girls lack: a personality. Did you even consider the possibility that the reason some guys flirt with people is strictly because of their personality? Or perhaps it’s because they have fun being around them? I’m not accusing, I’m not pointing fingers, and I’m not defending the blonde, skinny, bimbos that your “#2 and #3” girls are envious of. I’m saying that a personality has a lot to do with it. Take your friend “Honeyman”. For example, I don’t know him too well. Actually, I only know him through your website, and his random posts that he makes about buying stylish clothes for his new job, or the fact that he’s bitter because of your most recent blog. But I know the type of guy he is. Good looking, cocky about his looks (yet in a humble way), friendly, caring, funny, and all that jazz. He flirts with every girl he meets and knows. But what’s the matter with it? Doesn’t that problem lie within the girl he’s flirting with, and not him? I mean, sure he’s toying with them, but isn’t it obvious enough he doesn’t mean anything by it when he’s doing the same thing....to everybody else? It’s her fault for not seeing that it’s everybody.
Now Sue, I don’t entirely disagree with your post. Sure, guys who toy with everybody can make females upset, maybe males, who knows! And in some ways, it’s obnoxious and uncalled for. But where I fail to see your point is when you say he has his hand on your knee, but looks at another girl. Is he trying to feel you up? No. Or is it just playful banter that friends do? Perhaps it’s their way of showing their friendship. Some people hug, some people laugh, some people put their hand on your knee. Big whoop. As long as he’s not sleeping around, making out with four different girls in one night, or getting people pregnant, I think it’s safe to say that playful banter is perfectly alright, and if there is a problem, it is most likely the girl’s fault.
This post has no coherency to it. As a matter of fact, I’m sure I haven’t quite made the logical point I was trying to prove. But for lack of
Miss Bean | 04.13.05 - 9:53 pm | #
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Sorry, I published before I was finished. Allow me to finish it before somebody else posts something:
"But for lack of time, and the fact that I have to pee like a jack rabbit, I am cutting this off here. I’m not finished, but the toilet is seductively calling my name, and I feel the need to go calm its fears. I mean, wouldn’t you be afraid if you were locked in a room for your life, made of porcelain, cold, and afraid? I most certainly would. Feel free to comment, have an emotional outburst, whatever. It’s your site; I’m sporadic visitor who comments when she pleases. Have a nice day.
Miss Bean | 04.13.05 - 9:58 pm | #
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Don't call me Sue.
Susannah | Homepage | 04.14.05 - 12:23 am | #
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No offense was meant. I'm sorry if I've crossed my boundaries.
Miss Bean | 04.14.05 - 12:48 am | #
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That came off way harsher than it was meant, haha.
Susannah | Homepage | 04.14.05 - 2:43 am | #
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