To quickly catch you up:
The last time we spoke I was getting burned out in my career. You know the phrase "Be careful what you wish for?" Hahahaha, oops.
Well. Because I lost a LOT of blood after my miscarriage, I became incredibly anemic again. Oops.
Derrick was like, "We have got to get you taken care of because we can not have you dying from anemia again." And I was like, "Psh, I'll be fine." and then I was not fine and I was directed to be on modified bed rest for months. Yayyyyy.
My hemoglobin was 8, which wasn't as bad as in 2022, but bad enough. That is the threshold where it is indicated to get a blood transfusion. My doctor gave strict instructions that if *anything* was getting worse, I was to go straight to the ER and text him on the way. He said, "They'll much more easily be able to get you a blood transfusion than I will be able to fight insurance for it."
I took the kids to school and then got back in bed, then picked them up and then got back in bed. Each time the walk from the bed to the car was okay-ish, but the five-second walk from the car and up the three steps into the house WIPED ME OUT. My heart rate would shoot up to something ridiculous like 143 and I would be completely exhausted.
After a few months I tried to do some haircuts in a little makeshift setup in the garage. During one such cut, I had to take three little breaks as my heart was pumping way too hard and fast. When I pushed through and finished the cut, I plopped down one the cement stairs and slumped against the hard wall. I felt so ill and wasn't sure if I was about to faint or throw up or both. I was having a full debate in my head of if I should throw myself toward the grass, crawl up the remaining stairs into the kitchen, or just vomit on my client in front of me.
Luckily, after a few minutes the feeling subsided and I was able to recover well enough to function.
I had to back down for a few more weeks after I had another gray-out after a cut. When I got working again I really, really tried to just power through it. Derrick reminded me over and over this was a terrible plan and that he needs me around, not dead on the floor.
In October I thought I was doing okay-ish-ish. But then I really wasn't. I had another gray-out (fainting but not fainting, you know? Not losing consciousness, but losing everything else--sound, muscle function, sight, etc.) and had another CBC panel done.
ALL RED. AGAIN.
My numbers were back to being as bad as they had been in April. 8.0 hemoglobin again. Well, crap.
So I had orders from my doctor to shut down my company. Completely. No more working on my feet.
That was a scary concept, but obviously for the best.
6? 7? Months later, I finally had a soft reopening. I started taking a few cuts in the garage here and there. Sitting on my rolling saddle stool (the best thing) and taking breaks if needed really helped get through those.
Then a couple months ago I started doing cuts downstairs again. (woohooooo) Going down there is fine, it's the walk back up the stairs that kills me. Occasionally I forget that I am still sick and I will head up the stairs quickly, only to be laid out by the time I reach the end of the garage.
For the first time in forever, JUST THIS WEEK, around 16 months after all the symptoms really became too much, I did a haircut and came up the stairs and said goodbye and walked up the additional steps into the house and continued on with my day and then looked at my Apple Watch and realized my heart rate had only gotten up to 120 and I had felt fine. (!!!!)
I can not explain how much of a relief this feeling is.
Two steps forward and one step back <----- This is basically the theme for the past year and a half. I get better, I get worse but not as bad. I get better, I get worse but not as bad. I get better, I think I can do anything, I get worse but not as bad (but now I'm also burned out because I did too much when I was convinced I could do anyyyyyyyyyything)
In May I thought I could reopen the shop. In June my heart beat was back to whooshing in my ears and my anemia-caused TMJ was rearing its rudely ugly head. In July I'm on top of the world, so I'm about to crash, obviously.
I just got the results of the blood draw I had today, and my CBC panel says I'm still sick. But! There have been real improvements in my numbers. ONLY LIKE A THIRD OF THE RESULTS ARE IN THE RED. Woohooooo.
So I'm getting there.
As of right now I am still not open to the public. My scheduling website is blacked out through the end of the year. I am just doing cuts for friends who text me, which has honestly been what I needed. Not seeing my people for months at a time while also feeling wiped out and crappy is just an extra blah layer. Now I get to be with people, hear their stories, tell my stories, but also be very casual. I'm not trying to be professional. I said I'm calling it hair hangouts rather than salon appointments, haha. Not having to be "on" while also feeling not my best self has been so helpful.
So who knows what will happen from here.
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