Wednesday, October 21, 2009

So logically... if she weighs the same as a duck...she's made of wood?

[originally written near the end of August...but finally getting around to publishing it]

Float |flōt| verb
1 Rest or move on or near the surface of a liquid without sinking : "she relaxed, floating gently in the water.
2 [with adverbial of direction ] move or hover slowly and lightly in a liquid or the air; drift : "clouds floated across a brilliant blue sky"

Float is such a nice, lovely word. Nothing about "float" brings stressful thoughts. Balloons float. Boats made of folded newspaper float. Ducks float. (as do witches, bread, apples, very small rocks, cider, gravy, cherries, mud, churches, lead. So logically, if she weighs the same as a duck...she's made of wood.)


It'll be simple. "You sit on this tube and float down the river for an hour, until we reach the park." Ok! Sounds easy enough!

Because you were told repeatedly this was going to be a pleasant ride float, you are decked out in a swimsuit, sundress, sunglasses, and flip flops. You brought along a life-vest only out of adherence to city rules.

By the way, the moment you step into the frigid water you will realize what a bad idea this was. And as you contort your body into the small hole of the tube you hear a strange sound--that is your own body hyperventilating.

Your tube will flip over not once, but THREE TIMES, submerging you into the icy fast-moving liquid. With fishy-water-filled lungs, you are dragged across sharp rocks and are only able to regain your placement on the tube when a guy in your group, who happens to be a firefighter and takes it upon himself to save everyone in turmoil, holds your flip flops, your wrist, and your tube steady.

Your tube will find its way into the strange no-movement parts of the river where you will spin in place, unable, regardless of any limb flailing in the water, to move back into the current. You will have no choice but to stand on the sharp rocks, walk to a different part of the river, and attempt to get back into the tube sans firefighter man holding your quickly-floating-away tube.

You will also smack into SEVEN trees, having the innate ability to be in the very middle of the river until you see a tree hanging over one of the banks, and suddenly find yourself aiming straight for it.

You will return freezing, exhausted, scraped up, bruised, and starving.

my leg on the morning after, before all of the bruises appeared ...I should've lifted up my leg for the picture, rather than making my calf appear the size of my above-the-knee. Nice.

But hey, you were social! ALL AFTERNOON!


Meridith said...

Way to go, Sue! Hope the bumps and bruises were worth it. ;)

Sariah in Vancouver said...

I have not yet attempted to do this, so more power to you! I hope you did manage to have fun. It sounds like fun (when you read between the lines, lol), minus the bumps, scrapes, and bruises. ;)