Saturday, December 13, 2008

living in the headache

Remember how I suck at life?

I remember that.

I also remember how I was on my way to school this morning when I turned left at an intersection and was awfully close to the car next to me so I pulled George in tighter to my left and accidentally jumped the median.

I remember the sick feeling I got when I realized my tire was flat.

I remember the freaking out I did when I tried to call my school to tell them I was less than TWO BLOCKS AWAY and would they please, please, please let me come to school late?? (There are harsh [as in: kicked out of the program altogether] penalties for not attending on Saturdays unless it was pre-arranged. This was certainly not pre-arranged.) I remember the crying I did while on hold with the school for FIFTEEN MINUTES only to find out the receptionist thought she had transferred me, when she really hadn't. I also remember how frustrated I was when I was told I could not attend and that we would discuss the penalties for not attending when I next saw her. Oh great.

I also remember how flustered I became while trying to CHANGE MY OWN TIRE. (Although relieved a bit at realizing I may look like a linebacker but I'm still very girly-girl.) (I did have Ashley's help though, talking me through each step on the phone.)
I also remember the apprehension at letting someone help me (especially because the guy pulled up in a large window-less molester van.)

And oh boy do I remember how annoyed I was when I realized my front tire was flat as well! And when I drove on the flat tire all over Summerlin (Ok, from Boca Park to Village Square to Spring Mountain) looking for a tire place.

I vividly recall the myriad of emotions that ran through my system as I crept along with my hazard lights a'blazin' and George shaking like he'd had a few too many Red Bulls.

And I remember the negotiating, crying, calling of the Daddy, crying, and installation of the new tires.
And then the relief.

(Momma, this photo will add 25 cents to the phone bill because I sent it from my cell phone. My computer wouldn't recognize it as a Bluetooth, so I had to text it. I will give you the 25 cents when I give you my payment.)

(And then I finished the paperwork for my Nevada State Board of Cosmetology licensure written exam and it is officially being FedEx'ed in today. Hallefreakinglujah. And I was told because I have proper documentation (receipt for the new tires) there will be no disciplinary action for my being absent today. HALLEFREAKINGLUJAH.)

I remember how I got to work a half-hour early tonight, a little drained emotionally but otherwise feeling A-Okay.
I remember how I was in a conversation with my manager when, mid-sentence, my heart started skipping and fluttering and I tried to take a few deep breaths but suddenly my breath was gone completely and quickly my sight went dark in a way I can only explain as the opening credits of a James Bond movie. The closing in until you can only see him shoot the gun. And then there was only darkness.

I remember grabbing at the wall as I was losing my sense of balance, and slumping to the counter when I lost it completely.

I remember telling my coworker, Natalie, and my manager, Judy, that I was about to faint. I remember standing up, trying to shake off the feeling, and everything going black again.

I remember sitting with my head between my knees for an hour (well, my head somewhere near my mid-section while my chin drowned in cleavage. I told Judy I have far too much flesh for my head to actually go near my knees.) while my manager brought me orange juice and straw. (haha, cute.)

My big sister came to the store and took me home. And that is how I find myself in the position I am now: Slumped very carefully, chin propped on a pillow, taking things slowly and carefully. Any sudden head movements and the room starts to spin. (I was in bed for a while, but started getting nauseated...Oh joy.)

Dear Life,
May I please have two solid weeks of no crying, no car malfunctions, no stolen money, no forgetting my wallet at work and remember it after I've set the alarm and locked the door, no anxiety attacks, no fainting, and no having to make Daddy I'm in trouble phonecalls?

I would be very grateful and would probably lessen the gnawing on crappy foods merely because I've had a horrid day, have a more cheerful attitude toward customers, stop telling Annyong he's short and annoying, and shower more often. (haha)



erinannie said...

There have been way too many times when I have had the complete misfortune of knowing exactly how you feel.
Be grateful for those people that were there for you now.
And look forward to the day when you'll be able to be there for them, and how good that will make you feel.
And remember, sometimes, there really are Secret Santas to help us get through the misery.

Dad said...

Susie, take a deep breath and imagine the end of all of this stress just a step away. You are doing well. I was glad for your call on Saturday, even if it were an "I'm in trouble" call.