Thursday, July 12, 2007

CLEANING OUT THE ARCHIVES aka Don't Drink And IM: volume 1

I have had a Buddy List since I was 11-years-old. I have archived almost every IM since I was about 18-years-old. If I ever need a laugh I rummage through these archives.

AJ: I used to despise Beto's because the one I went to smelled like a pet store.
Susannah: Spring Break in Susannah time is EVERY DAY
Susannah: "I'm getting a new roommate tomorrow"
Honeyman: "You are? Who is it? Whats her name? Is she cool? How do you know her? How did you meet her?"
Susannah: "Hello, 3rd degree? My name is Susannah..."
Travis: "You have to have discipline. A weak person would go to bed, but not you, you're tough."
Susannah: "Well, I love my bed, and I love my DVD collection. Together we are unstoppable."
AJ: "thought.... i want a nose job... that is all"
Susannah: "this chick on Blind Date just said, "Me and words doesn't go hand in hand." bwa ha ha"
Susannah: "He leaned in, but not expecting anything. I never went 10 to his 90."
Ellie: "I found comfort food; yay for pepperoni!"
Ryan S: "I'm sitting in the Vegas airport on a freakin 2-hour layover, and it made me think of you since you live here."
Susannah: "What? You don't normally think of me on a daily basis otherwise? I'm shocked."
Ryan S: "Weeellll I didn't want to come on too strong at first so I kinda thought I'd ease into that part... haha."
Ryan S: "Actually our bass player lives sorta by you, so I pass your house all the time going to pick him up and I do think of you every time."
Ryan S: "How's that for creepy?"
Susannah: "Meow."
Susannah: "Your style is drab."
Sarah: "As a general rule I think it's a good idea to entirely chew the Redvine before swallowing it."
Susannah: "Eh, thats a good rule and all, but as with everything, there are exceptions. Getting out of class to get a drink of water because your airway is constricted by a confectionery is one that comes to mind."
Susannah: "Then I guess the point is moot to ask if you have a bamboo rod?"
Honeyman: "My dad thinks AJ is gay."
Susannah: "Your dad thinks you are gay."
Honeyman: "He never has said anything."
Susannah: "Hahahaha."
Susannah: "I'm bleeding! I'm shaping my eyebrows and I'm bleeding! I've never bled while plucking before! Holy crap, beauty is pain!"
Susannah: "Hahahahahahahahaha!"
Susannah: "Oh, by the way, Hahahahahahaha!"
Travis: "I think you'd be fun to watch movies with."
Susannah: "Oh, I am my favorite person to watch movies with. I snuggle with myself all the time. I'm usually pretty platonic, but when it gets late..."
Ellie: "I need big changes! BIG CHANGES! As big as they can get!"
Susannah: "Moving to a space station on Mars and getting married? That'd be pretty close. Technically, as big as changes can get would probably involve a sex change operation, but I'm going to assume you don't really mean as big as they can get and only mediocre-big."
Susannah: "I'm wiping estringent on my face, painting my nails, and listening to Jeff Foxworthy. Aren't you?"
Honeyman: "What are you doing?"
Susannah: "Reading the crime scene analysis of the OJ Simpson trial."
Honeyman: "hahahahahaha What are you doing that for?"
Susannah: "A fun leisurely Sunday afternoon activity. What do you want me to do? Tie quilts for the homeless in Malaysia?"
Honeyman: "You are too funny."
Susannah: "Did you know that in the low-speed chase in the white Bronco, OJ was not driving? He was shotgun."
Honeyman: "If you ever need a driver for a low-speed chase, I will be there for you!"
Susannah: "Thweet, and I you."
Susannah: "Ellie, your type of guy is the type I avoid and openly mock. However, I can set you up with many short, nerdy, socially awkward guys; they are around me in swarms."
Susannah: "What should I wear?"
Ellie: "i would defintely say jeans for pants cause those are casual enough, but they can be dressed up. No to flip flops and big heels... i would stick to wedges or something that is feminine but low."
Susannah: "So lets see here: I'm wearing just jeans and wedges...I could get arrested for that, El."
Susannah: "Apparently we aren't very alike, El. I find staring at strangers and celebrities easy--staring at guys I know...not. I go from "that weird chick who always stares at me" to "Susannah is staring at me again!" No, Nextel needs to stay My Nextel Boyfriend. He can't have a name or a personality because it could be way different than the one I made up for him in my head. That'd ruin the whole fantasy."
Ellie: "He could be better!"
Susannah: "He could be gay."
Ellie: "I'm pretty sure he's not gay; gay guys don't get physical injuries like that."
Susannah: "Fighting over the last pink pinstriped button down shirt at Banana Republic? Injuries can happen, El."
Susannah: "DO NOT SIGN OFF YET'll ruin my screen capture!"
Susannah: "blah blah blah, really. I don't think everything should have to be planned out. Things should just happen. But they don't, and that is the problem."
Ellie: "I never saw anything like that happening to me and then wham! I was making out with a stranger on the side of the road."
Susannah: "Oh, blech!"
Susannah: "One of these days I'm going to screw up and type Belch, then we'll all be a tad bit embarassed."
Honeyman: "What are you doing?"
Susannah: "Eating cereal and stalking, oops I mean Googling, oops I mean, nevermind, yeah, stalking [name.]"
Susannah: "I have your Christmas party around here somewhere."
Tashina: "You threw me a party and didn't invite me?"
Susannah: "That would be Christmas present, for those who aren't drunk."
Sarah: "I went to the gym at 6 a.m. this morning. I am very proud of my little, one pound away from being clinically overweight, self."
Susannah: "I put on my workout clothing. And I walked down into the basement and put in my tape. Then I proceeded to the freezer and pulled out ice cream. But the other stuff has gotta count for something."
AJ: "I'm watching Sesame Street. I [heart] it."
Danielle: "You are on fire. I need some advice! Tell me, Sue, how does one have a love life such as yours?!"
Susannah: "Ah, well, it helps to insult then ignore them. Also reject all advances while secretly pining for them. Works every time."
Sarah: "I love Colin Ferrell."
Susannah: "And I love Brad Pitt. They probably have each others number, eh? We could weekend."
Travis: "She is online, but won't reply to me."
Susannah: "She is ingoring you?"
Susannah: "Wow, I can't spell."
Travis: "Ingoring, yes. It's kind of like this mediaeval ritual where a woman puts on a helmet with bull's horns on it, and ingorns men with it. It kind of hurts - being ingorned. Sometimes you bleed."
Honeyman: "I never have my birthday with my family anymore."
Susannah: "Throw a party for yourself. There comes a time in everyones life when they have to force other people to celebrate them. I do it all the time."
Mike: "You know. Stranger from the internet shows up. You're thinking 'what am i wearing?'"
Susannah: "My bud AJ isn't an out- loud laugher, he told me as much when I asked him...we've worked through our differences and we can still watch movies together."
Susannah: "I have a hot date tonight. I want to go see Star Wars III by myself again."
Meridith: "Wait, what are your plans for tonight?"
Susannah: "Taking myself on a pity date."
Meridith: "Oh, just by yourself?"
Susannah: "Yeah. I asked myself out and I don't really want to go with me, but I'd feel bad saying no."
Meridith: "Don't you hate that?"
Susannah: "The man is a fox."
Susannah: "Yesterday I told Tashina I'd think about driving us out to Hoover Dam and I'd be her dam guide. I then proceeded to laugh my head off."
Susannah: "Sar, you are better than any tall skinny balding RM."
Susannah: "Dating a PC-lover would be like dating a Democrat. ;) "
Susannah: ˇI'll cya sometimes. I'll brb when I need to get away quickly. Mostly I spell things out, like they would be in a decent world."
Travis: ˇGood, we can still be friends."
Susannah: "The second you pull out a "U" instead of You I'm cutting all ties."
Mike: "what's your yahoo handle?"
Susannah: "Ooooo, sounds like a nerdy pickup line"
Susannah: "Give them 72 hours and they'll be at maximum growth. Eugene went from looking kind of idiotic and Harry Potterish to looking like he was plotting an evil scheme to take over the world."
Meridith: " true. Have fun with your boyfriends."
Sarah: "My eyeballs are so puffy they are almost touching the computer screen."
Susannah: "Wow. Expandable Eyeballs. I do believe you could attain employment at ACME, or at the very least Warner Brothers."
Sarah: "You'd think so, wouldn't you? Discriminating B@#^%$@#!"
Susannah: "All Mexican restaurants are the same. Take a tortilla; soft, hard, etc. Throw some beans either in it or near it. Add some cheese. A little sauce gets near there too. Give it 8 different Espanol names and you've got yourself a menu."
AJ: "Shut up, I've given that talk in church!"
Sarah: "I don't understand why Paula Abdul thinks anyone cares about her life? This just in: WE DON'T!"
Susannah: "I really feel the best song ever written was Britney Spears' "Email My Heart"."
Richard: [Deb's] bday tomorrow...
Richard: or rather ... today...
Susannah: and today is Ashy's
Susannah: or rather...yesterday...
Richard: rather yesterday...
Richard: jinx
Richard: You can't IM until I IM your name.
Richard: la la la
Richard: blah blah blah
Richard: blah blah blabitty blah
Richard: bum... blah blah round, blah blah
Richard: meow.
Richard: Susannah
Richard: Okay.... you may now speak.
Richard: I can barely remember my kids [birth]dates.
Richard: abby is easy
Richard: 11/10/98
Susannah: 11/10/98
Susannah: jinx
Richard: doh
Richard: say my name! say my name!
Susannah: Nope! Not gonna say it! Not gonna say it!
Richard: [mumble, mumble]
Susannah: Ok, Ok, Chhhhhhricardo!
Richard: phew!
Susannah: "6 people using one kitchen? Holy dishes, Batman!"
Honeyman: "and now for my next trick I will be going to bed"
Honeyman: "You're on one. Why are you so happy?"
Susannah: "A) I have a new computer B) I am in my room C) I have no idea D) I'm planning a freaking awesome party E) I'm listening to the Grease soundtrack F) I got to hang out with Ellie today G) "It's Greased Lightening!" H) I had more than 8 calories today, hahaha, so I don't feel bad I) :D J) I'm *always* on one K) I am thinking about the Twinkies in the freezer downstairs L) a note to follow So

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