I always get a kick out of compiling these, and I hear they are enjoyed so here ya go:
Susannah: "The flyer says 'chick flicks and girl talk.'"
Jayar: "You'd rather have 'guy movies and buddy talk.'"
Elizabeth: "She'd rather have 'guy movies and no talk.'"
Susannah: "Now there we go."
---
Rico: Why the bustier?
Rico: She like showing off her A cups?
Susie: Flaunt 'em if you got 'em
Rico: I'd go braless.
Susie: You perv
Rico: I'm comfortable with my manboobs
Susie: It takes a lot to get to that point, and I commend you.
Rico: *Years* of therapy.
Rico: I'm just barely accepting my areolas.
Susie: Baby steps
---
Frank: "Sharing is not good. You learn as children that sharing is good. But you soon learn that this is not true. And you get sued a lot."
---
Jayar: "I hate these pens!!! Just so everyone knows, I hate these pens. I hate the pens with two pieces. I need clicky pens."
---
Irma: "What? Just because I'm Mexican you assume I'm a Raiders fan? My eyebrows aren't shaved off and penciled in."
---
Irma: "Remember this guy?"
Jayar: "Who is this guy?"
Irma: "Remember? He's the guy who came by when you were gone, I told you about him. He used to be a drug addict."
Jayar: "Did we put that down under job history?"
---
Jayar: "On a scale of one to ten my excitement level isn't very high."
Susannah: "Hahahaha!"
Jayar: "What?"
Susannah: "It was just funny that you explained the numerical boundaries, yet didn't assign your excitement level a numerical value."
Irma: "Haha. From one to ten it was a C."
----
Susannah: "I know what we need! Cake!"
Irma: "How about we have cake after we get back [from our errands.]"
Susannah: "Why are you trying to squash my cake dreams?"
---
Susannah: "Gee, I'm complainy today. What if I had a real illness? You'd never hear the end of it. [...] I'd be like, 'I'm DYING!' and you'd be like, 'it's just a zit, Susannah!'"
---
Susannah: "I'm corrupting your children, Liz."
Elizabeth: "Well yeah."
Susannah: "Ask Caroline what George Duran's license plate number is."
in the backround
Elizabeth: "Hey Caroline, what is George Duran's license plate number?"
Caroline: "DBY 8878"
Susannah: "Did she say DBY 8878?"
Elizabeth: "Yeah."
Susannah: "See?"
---
Meridith: "I hardly recognized your voice."
Susannah: "HAHAHAHAHAHAA; that's because my voice is gone!"
Meridith: "Oh, I knew something was different. You answered to your name so I knew it was you!"
---
Sarah C. says: My keyboard is exceptionally dirty.
Susannah says: I feel the same way about my social life
Susannah says: And I'm pretty sure blowing short bursts of clean air is also the way to help that as well.
---
Susannah says: and Ben (ick, he has a name!) was never to be seen again.
Tashina says hahahahaha
Tashina says: now how are you going to find a boyfriend who you can connect with when you can't get past the superficial things, like names?
Susannah says: That's so Nora Ephron ;) "Don't cry, ShopGirl." "I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly."
---
Susannah: "I WANT THIS BUT I DON'T WANT TO SPEND $5! ...I LOVE IT, BUT I AM CHEAP!" (regarding a wheel of smoked gouda cheese)
---
Susannah: "The day MyBoyfriendMike finds out I call him such will be the day I quit."
---
Sarah C. says: It seems to me that eating chips is directly comparable with drinking a fine wine. It's the first few sips that are fantastic, and then all the flavor is just mixed around in your mouth and you can't taste all the deliciousness of it any longer!
Susannah says: Agreed.
Susannah says: That is why I lick the seasoning off the Pringles and put them back in the can for someone else to enjoy minus the flavor.
Susannah says: ...wait...no I don't. But that's a good idea.
Sarah C. says: ha ha
Sarah C. says: that would be disgusting!
Sarah C. says: Soggy pringles...ha ha
Susannah says: but highly comical.
Sarah C. says: Entirely
---
Jayar: "I told your sister I had the hots for her ...and when Meridith heard that she freaked out."
---
Jayar: "Fix it then."
Susannah: "I can't fix it!"
Jayar: "Just put on your Bill Gates brain and make it happen."
Susannah: "I can't put on my Bill Gates brain, though; I have a Steve Jobs brain!"
---
Susannah: "The other day I was in Wal-Mart and there was a woman with her daughter and the woman proclaimed, 'Where milk at?!' yet the daughter spoke well. Apparently it didn't rub off on her."
Elizabeth: "She goes to daycare."
---
Pam: "Why are you chuckling?"
Sus: "Jayar just told someone to quit smoking."
Pam: "Oh really?"
Jayar: "It didn't go over well."
---
Sus: "If a guy was 5'3" he's got to feel kinda bad about that."
Irma: "Oh, the annoying one always on his phone with the ugly shirts?"
Sus: "...I mean, it's not like he's 17. He's got to be in his mid-20s."
Irma: "Yeah. He's done."
Sus: "His timer has popped."
Irma: "His microwave has dinged."
Sus & Irma: "HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!"
Irma: "I think you should make it a goal to stand next to him as often as possible."
Sus: "In the heels?"
Irma: "Definitely in the heels."
Sus: "Making me almost a foot taller than him...the poor guy; it has to be a sore spot."
---
Susannah: "Julie, are you trying to corrupt my Diet Buddy? I SAID NO TACOS!"
---
Irma: "Tell Jayar what you won."
Sus: "Oh yeah. I'm the Least Ghetto."
Jayar: "What?"
Sus: "Well I said, 'I'm ghetto.' and Irma said 'No you're not; you're the LEAST ghetto' and I thought maybe someone else held the title...like Martha Stewart."
Irma: "But Martha Stewart has been to prison, so she's ghetto."
Sus: "So Irma told me that I am the Least Ghetto and I said, 'Oh, I won.'"
Irma: "And I said, 'Here's your cracker.'"
Jayar: "Well I'm proud of you both."
Irma: "Proud of us?"
Jayar: "Yeah; because YOU said 'cracker' and YOU said 'ghetto.'"
---
Sus: "Aw come on! Give me some extensions and cut my skirt. I can do it."
Irma: "Still no."
Sus: "Give me a tight tube top and some huge hoop earrings. I'll rock 'em. I've got the skirt and heels working."
Irma: "Aaah, no!"
Sus: "Oh, did you get a visual? I apologize about that."
---
Susannah on clothing: If we were just aiming to avoid nudity there would be a whole lot more fabric flowing around here.
---
Jayar: "I thought it was cool that she noticed the possible payment shock and mentioned it."
Susannah: "I didn't get that email."
Jayar: "Well, you're not special."
Susannah: motioning knife through heart repeatedly
Jayar: "Maybe you'll be special tomorrow. Who knows?"
---
Frank: "You're looking especially white today."
---
Jayar: "He is the epitome of obsessive capitalization."
---
Susannah: "I had a bad dream last night."
Elizabeth: "What happened?"
Susannah: "I was being forced to vote Democrat over the whole ballot."
Elizabeth: "That is a bad dream."
---
Abby: "What in the name of crap?"
---
Susannah: "Ugh, I've gotten so sick of songs!"
Irma: "In general? That's a pretty broad statement there, missy."
---
[Sus] says: I want a Twinkie. I need a Twinkie emoticon to visually express my desire for a Twinkie.
---
Irma: "Hey, are you changing before we go out tonight?"
Sus: "Yeah, I have my new Nintendo shirt and jeans in my car."
Irma: "Nintendo shirt?! I was thinking something...a little sexier."
Sus: "Ha! Did you not notice that I'm wearing a USB extender cable as a necklace? This is how I roll."
Irma: "Oh my."
Sus: "Perhaps this shines some light on my lack of dating life."
---
Susannah: "What happens when the person whose social security number you stole dies? Suddenly there is a 'reported as deceased' on the credit."
Irma: "Then you'll need a new social."
Susannah: "What about all that good credit you built on the other social? You can't just waste that!"
---
Frank: "I'm fickle in terms of flan."
---
Susannah: "If this dorkwa asks me one more time when I'm going to call the people on my list I will quite possibly lash out at her jugular."
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Jayar: "A spoonful of crack helps the medicine go down."
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Susannah: After watching [my Biggest Loser application video] last night I came to the conclusion that I am 472 lbs overweight and will no longer go through the hassle of putting together cute outfits; instead I have reverted to throwing on those pieces of clothing nearest the bed. Lest you think I'm joking, I must tell you I am wearing grey stretch pants under a brown skirt today. I swear this is the truth. I am also thinking of making sweatshirts office-proper attire. Ok, not really.
---
Irma: "What do Chinese eat for breakfast?"
Susannah: "I dunno, ask Jo."
Irma: "Is Jo Chinese?"
Susannah: "Ask her."
Irma: "You can't just ask that. How do you ask that?"
Susannah: "Bring it up some other way...like, 'Hey Jo. By the way, I'm Anglo Saxon, how about you?'"
Irma: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAA."
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