The opening montage is of me doing various things--singing along to my car radio, laughing like an idiot, dancing with my nieces, ending in an obviously forced pose with an unnatural smile on my face. The theme music is very lyrically appropriate (along the lines of "I'm just like you / only much more interesting") with a catchy beginning and a clean ending which leads directly into the days episode.
Today's episode (6/22/06) is entitled "One Boy", which my fans recognize as a Bye Bye Birdie song lyric, mentioning girls should have "one boy, not two or three." They understand the irony as the episode continues, and will later have a good chuckle.
The camera zooms in on my alarm clock, which is playing my favorite radio station at its highest volume. We then see me, still asleep in my incredibly large bed, engulfed in Isaac Mizrahi-designed bedding. It is obvious to everyone I am not going to be bright and chipper this morning.
We see the alarm clock again, the numbers show an hour has elapsed. The bed is empty and the camera slowly turns toward the bathroom mirror, where I am studying the mass of waves that have not yet seemed to straighten out after the unwise crimper-happy moment the night before. The expression on my face seems to tell the viewers that I am not in the mood to take any measures to tame my hair. The camera follows as I run out the door with shoes, keys, water bottle, iPod, purse and shirt in hand. An up tempo song begins to play as I pull the foundation, eye liner, blush, blush brush, mascara, and light pink lip gloss out of my purse. It is obvious to the audience that I have been heavily trained in applying makeup while driving in traffic, as the mascara wand is waved about in a skilled fashion, reaching every hair while leaving no smudges behind.
As the Dolly Parton hit "9 to 5" beings to play we see George V Dubya (my red VW Beetle) pull into the office parking lot, and stop in my usual spot just outside MyBoyfriendMike's office window. (Which is not on purpose, as my fans are aware. It is merely because it is next to a handicapped spot on the drivers side, and closest to the door.) The camera pulls back so we are able to see Irma and Julie pull up in separate cars at that same moment.
As to not bore the viewers the episode has been heavily edited during the scenes at which I sit at my desk, looking through papers and typing information into my compuer. These scenes have instead been turned into a fast-paced montage.
The camera pulls in closely on my face, a strange humored expression can be seen. I point toward the hallway, where MyBoyfriendMike soon comes into focus. As he walks past the doorway the subtitle "MyBoyfriendMike's first appearance of the morning" appears on the screen. The camera zooms in closely on his face to capture the smile and wink. After he is a few more steps down the hall the camera is on Irma as she starts laughing and I can be heard saying, "And there's number 1."
A large tally appears on the corner of the screen, counting each time there is a run-in with MyBoyfriendMike. The tally reads 6 when we see the back of my head as I walk into the building and start down the hall. Mike crosses the hall at that same time and smiles. I laugh and say, "So Mike, are you just following me around now?" The camera zooms in on his face as he chuckles and says, "Yeah, I am."
We see the clock on the corner of my computer screen, showing the workday is almost over. I can be seen heading into Julie's office to check on a file that has been over my head for nearly two weeks. The camera zooms in on a 6'5", 250 lb brunette man standing in the doorway of a member of Julie's team, wearing khakis and a dark blue button-up shirt. The subtitle appears "A new prospect?" as the camera zooms in on his ring-free left hand. A short montage begins wherein I ask Julie, Jayne, and Irma all they know about this mysterious man. No useful information is collected, however the nickname MyTallBoyfriend is coined.
I can be seen walking through Julie's part of the building on the lookout for MyTallBoyfriend, keys in hand. He is soon spotted and the camera zooms in. He is just outside the door, talking on his cell phone. As I walk through the doors the audience can hear MyTallBoyfriend say, "Ok, thanks, I love you and I'll see you in a little bit." The subtitle appears "His mother? ...of course." Commercial break.
When we fade back in I can be seen laying on Elizabeths couch with Luke in my arms. Soon its obvious we are watching a DVR'ed episode of George Duran's "Ham On The Street". As Emma Kate steps in front of the TV I can be heard sayin, "Emmie, Emmie, we can't see Auntie's boyfriend, George!" She quickly runs to the couch and snuggles in with Luke and me.
A short montage begins of finding shoes, piling in the car, piling out of the car, grocery shopping, breaking an already mostly-broken bottle of nail polish all over the grocery store ground as well as Carolines hair, pants, and foot (a scene which is later set in slow-motion and replayed many times.)
The camera zooms in tight on Caroline's face next to mine as we await the results of this week's episode of "So You Think You Can Dance?" My jump in excitement and Caroline's jump in fear of my jump when Jaymz is declared safe is repeated in slow-motion for full comedic effect.
As well as the loud cheer when Benji is (not surprisingly) declared safe.
Fade out and credits role as I lie back down on my huge mattress and wrap myself in my Isaac Mizrahi bedding. I reach up and turn off the lamp as the scene is engulfed in pure black and a few final credits roll.
...time to do it all over again...
2 comments:
I see that you did not include your facial expressions when are asleep. I just might have to think about that and include it in a later moment. :)
What kind of facial expressions are you insinuating I make?
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