My sister Elizabeth said something today that got me thinking. We were discussing weight loss goals and the new system we are implementing where I am accountable to her for a weekly weigh-in. Elizabeth said, "I don't think you want to get skinny."
What? Why wouldn't I? I was confused for a moment. Of course I do! But then I really thought about it and what she meant. She continued, "I think you don't want to because it is a security for you." Wow. She was totally right. We discussed it a bit further. Elizabeth explained that because I have a perfectly proportioned hourglass figure any weightloss will only accentuate that and I know it. (She said, "You're not big, you're not ugly chubby girl fat. You are curvy, you're hourglass.") She said, "You
know you'll be hot, and that scares you." She explained further that because I don't want the attention I do things to keep it away. She said that as long as I keep the unconscious desire to retain the weight I will always sabatoge myself in dieting.
Elizabeth bluntly explained that with the weight gone I will have no excuses. Excuses? She was right again; blast. When something doesn't go my way (or I don't want to do something) the easiest thing to tell myself is it was because of my weight.
We discussed it is a fear of rejection. It is easier to be rejected for your weight than for you, your personality, yourself. I would so much rather be rejected for something I have some bit of control over than something that is natural...like my height. I
hate when I'm called "intimidating" because of my height. It is really not
my fault if you find intimidation in something lame like a 5'10" girl.
(Elizabeth's right, though; if I got thin I'd have to start doing things like dating and stuff. Blech. Haha)
I think it is an interesting topic. What are your thoughts?
4 comments:
Hey! Way to go with the new comments system! I think that your post is very insightful. You must have a pretty smart sister. I don't actually know you, so I can't say if that's what you're doing - but her arguments seem to make sense. I think most people would rather be rejected for something superficial than for something deeply personal (such as their personality). I know I would. Sometimes I think I do the same thing - I just tell myself that whichever girl I'm into at the time would never go for a dorky-looking guy like me, because deep down I'm afraid that she WOULD go out with me - discover some flagrant flaw in my character, and never want to see me again. It's probably one of the most common fears (and, consequently, one of the most common lies we hide behind) in the world. I'm reminded of that quote which is wrongly attributed to Nelson Mandela that states: "Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyone measure" or something like that. How true it is. We often fear success more than we fear failure - which is kind of . . . weird. But, it happens nonetheless. I wonder why?
DANG IT! I hate it when I catch a typo only after I've posted one of these things. Crapola. Oh well.
I was going to say something like what Travis said. I don't know you for "real", so I couldn't say either, but I'm inclined to agree with Elizabeth. And like Travis said, I think that is pretty normal.
Now, I do want to add that even though I've never met you in person, I have seen the photos you put up here and you are beautiful! So I think you shouldn't let your weight or height stop you from having confidence in yourself. :)
In response, I think it only appropriate to quote Singles:
"Tonight I'll be the super-me."
"What if the super-you meets the super-her and the super-her rejects the super-you?"
"Then it's no problem."
"Uh-huh. Why?"
"Because it was never you, it was just an act."
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