500!

This if my 500th post. The Honeyman feels I should celebrate it in some fashion.

500 things you don't know about me?

500. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people rip open the perfume samples on my magazines.
499. bwa ha ha. Nevermind. That'd take far too long and you already know practically everything about me.

Instead I'm thinking about another rendition of Susannah's Collection of RANDOM QUOTES!


Ryan: "When I'm rich everything will be more better."
Susannah: "Well, you won't be a writer."
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"Carson; ya queer!" -Honeyman to his car
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Danielle "Short people don't get breaks!
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Dad: "I do believe I smell like something the pig dragged in."
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"He say 'No flowers Mom!' he did no want to look like the gay." --Mexican in Kirklands
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Susannah: "Ummm...I'm kinda chunky so I can't run away as fast as them, so I decided to just hide."
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AJ: "We're not even friends with benefits; we're just benefits."
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"I just wanna see somethin!" -Sus, quoting Emma
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Carole: "I need a ladder...come here, Susannah."
Susannah: "Did you want me to get one or am I your ladder? Hahaha."
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Chris $: "You looking at pictures?"
Susannah: "No, I'm looking at my hits."
Chris $: "Oh, it tells you their name?"
Susannah: "No, ummmm, I have my friends IP addresses memorized."
Chris $: "Oh. That's pretty...cool."
Susannah: "Nerdy?"
Chris $: "Yeah."
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Elizabeth: "Daddy, go visit your money tree in the backyard."
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Tyler: "I need vicarious loving."
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Mike: "I'm kinda sad I didn't stalk you today."
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The Honeyman: "You should buy a Moshi pillow to sleep with. You can put it under your neck or whatever, but I just love to hold it--it's so squishy!!!"
Susannah: "And you wonder why I like chubby boys."
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Danielle: "That, like, vibrated my leg fat!"
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Susannah: "Your knee is so abnormal. That's not supposed to be there."
Honeyman: "Well, Susannah, when someone has something wrong with them its not really supposed to be there."
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Honeyman: "What if I dated Dolly Parton? Like if you called one day and I was like 'guess who I'm dating...Dolly Parton.' What would you say?"
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Susannah: "You're so fun at the brink of orneryness."
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Honeyman: "Work half as much as me and try to put sentences together--huh? how about that??"
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Susannah: "I'm all for carrying your lovers picture around, but in your underwear--that's a bit much."
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Susannah: "Glad I hooked me a cute one now. ...hmm, if only we could convince him how in love with me he is."
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Honeyman: "Why do the crap do I drive to..."
Susannah: "Why do the crap?"
Honeyman: "Why do the crap do I..."
Susannah: "Why do the crap?!? Hahahahahahahahaa."
Honeyman: "Yes. Why do the crap do I drive all the way out to Spanish Fork."
Susannah: "Why in the crap?"
Honeyman: "No. Why do the crap. It sounds right in my head."
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Susannah: "I don't want to touch your oz-feel-good-bump"
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Ellie: "I never saw anything like that happening to me and then wham! i was making out on the side of the road with a stranger."
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Honeyman: "Are you going to blog about 4-Wheeling With The Honeyman?"
Susannah: "Of course."
Honeyman: "That's manly!"
Susannah: "'Then we went shopping and bought him 4 new pink shirts'?" ;)
Honeyman: "My manly-quota was full and I had to femme it back down a bit."
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Honeyman's Mom: "You need to start looking for cars before you go tearin' it up around corners!"
The Honeyman: "I wasn't aware 6 miles-an-hour was 'tearin' it up', but I'll keep that in mind."
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Susannah: "This is the look of productivity!"
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Dad: "I am my daughter's father!" after spilling food on his shirt, thanks dad.
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Sus: "Don't be so jealous of me just because I'm so much cuter than you."
Mer: "I've accepted it."
Sus: "Good, 'cause the jealousy probably isn't good for you."
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Mom: "I predict by the time we fly out of here you will have loved Paris."
Dad: "No way. You can keep your stinkin' Frenchies. I'm going to walk up to a Fish & Chips place and order Freedom Fries!"
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Mom: "There's a Rosetta Stone T-shirt that looks like Sean."
Mer: "I have never seen a T-shirt that looks like Sean."
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Sus: "Can I have one of those?"
Dad: "Yes. ...As soon as you're crowned Queen of England."
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Dad, of course: "Attention, ladies and gentlemen, Heathrow Airport is not politically correct and will now be known as Itthrow Airport. Or He/Shethrow Airport."
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Sus: "Do you know who you are? You're ObiWan!"
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Mer: "That's not toothpaste, it's pink mold."
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Marjorie: "There is a shoe shop in Kendal that sells Clark shoes. They just sell shoes. ...If you know anyone who needs shoes."
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Dad, referring to the windshield wiper: "It's kind of like a spastic colon, or something."
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Dad: "You wonder how many herbs lost their lives to make this tea."
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Mom: "Did you see in her garden? She's got midgets."
Jean: "Gnomes."
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Dad: "If you stayed here a month you could just explore everything--birth a little baby sheep."
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Mer: "Argh; I hate it when freaky death figures suddenly come alive and walk toward me!"
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Dad: "You don't know if this is a Muslim lady all overed up or just a guy in a raincoat."
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Eric, my Parisian waiter: "Quick. I love you, kiss me."
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Mom: "You should be a stewardess."
Sus: "Nah, I hate people--especially at extreme heights."
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Susannah: "Oo, you want to schnuggle?"
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Susannah says:
it's from UHF ...What a great movie!
Sarah says:
Never seen it.
Susannah says
That is pretty close to sacrilege in the Holy Church of Susannah
Sarah says:
I've never been there.
Susannah says:
very few have
Sarah says:
Ha ha!
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Susannah: "I'm thinking about getting lovehandle implants--to enable a good grip."
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Dad: "It looks like a Twinkie."
Sus: "You look like a Twinkie."
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Susannah: "This is why I love being home." [[ RIPS OFF SHIRT, SWINGS IT ABOVE HEAD ]]
Meridith: "Nasty."
Susannah: "It's not nasty; it's a natural part of life."
Meridith: "Ah, but it doesn't have to be."
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Some Stand-Up Comic: "Enjoy your basketball and your view, tall people, 'cause you're going DOWN!"
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Meridith: "I'm a fruit salad?"
Susannah: "I called you a dumb song."
Meridith: "Oh. I only caught 'salad'. Or...what sounded ...thereabouts..."
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Susannah: "I was going to get Betty Boop checks 'cause they were really cute, but I just couldn't see myself paying tithing on a scantily clad woman."
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Mike Birbiglia: "I make deals with myself with dieting; like 'I can eat this cheeseburger but then later I'm gonna go to the gym' but instead of going to the gym I eat a cake. I'm like, 'the deals off'."
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Lillian: "There wasn't much to do but play strip pingpong and vacuum."
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Mitch Hedberg: "You don't have to be sweaty and holding a basketball to enjoy a Gatorade. You could just be a thirsty dude. Gatorade forgets about this demographic. I'm thirsty for absolutely no reason. Other than the fact that liquid has not touched my lips for some time. Can I have a Gatorade too, or does that lightning bolt mean 'no'?"
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Me: "Self, we have an ugly profile. Why did we get an ugly profile? Wasn't being tall and chunky enough?"
Self: "Hey; speak for yourself!"
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Ryan: "Now I know what you'd be like drunk."
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Meridith: "Is there supposed to be a hole in this?"
Susannah: "Yes, Mer. All tortillas now come with a big hole in the center."
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AJ: "I just kicked my shin."
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The Honeyman: "There she is, there's the topless chick!"
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Meridith: Should I wear this dress?
Susannah: Yeah.
Meridith: Do you think it's too short?
Susannah: You're short.
Meridith: I'm not really.
Susannah: You're shorter than me.
Meridith: Yeah, well, that's not saying much.
--
Susie says:
I really feel the best song ever written was Britney Spears' "Email My Heart"
Sarah C. says:
ha ha I wholeheartedly agree
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mer: what are your plans for tonight?
Sus: Taking myself out on a pity date.
mer: oh?
mer: just by yourself?
Sus: Yeah. I asked myself out and I don't really want to go with me, but I'd feel bad saying no.
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The Honeyman: "Why won't you just embrace your feistiness?"
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Aaron Ray: "Well that's ONE way to get rid of the body."
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Susannah: "'Add sugar and salt and kind of a thickish body, and some paprika, and that's Miracle Whip' Sounds like the recipe to make little clones of me."
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The Honeyman: "Dang, I hate having to tip well!"
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Space Ghost: "The low quality of your name makes me angry."
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The Honeyman: "This morning James asked if you have a boyfriend. I hope it wasn't an 'I'm pursuing Susannah.'"
Susannah: "Did you tell him I do? Oh please tell me you said yes."
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Susannah: "I'm falling in love with Ed Helms and I'm pretty sure he feels the same."
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Sean: "Do you want me to pick you up, or meet me there, or both?"
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Mom: "I hear it's a little tube-y top."
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Sarah: "He looks like a boy I made out with once."
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Mom: "Brad Pitt is not the poo on the cookie."
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Hobo (to himself): Oh, so is that it? Every time you want to make me feel small, you throw Tiger Woods in my face?