So tell me about yourself...

I am new to this 'being social' thing. (shocker, i know!) And am surprised that random people I don't talk to often just "want to get to know" me. Why? Hahaha.

So I am always at a loss as to what to say when asked about myself. I get defensive. Like I subconciously want to protect myself from this intruder. Why are you prying into my life? Why do you want to find out all my secrets and innerdialogue? You don't care about me. What will you do with this information? Steal my identity and go on a shopping spree? Well thats not going to get you far because I have $26 in my savings account. So lets just stop this friendly façade right now. You don't know me, I don't know you, let's keep it at that.

I'm not sure how I make friends, hahaha.

I think it all goes back to my Social Anxiety Disorder, and the incredible fear of being judged. When I'm asked what year I graduated high school I answer 2002. True, I do not have a high school diploma. True, I got my GED only a few months ago. All information they don't need to know. What would think think if they did know this information? I shouldn't care, but I probably do.

Actually, the best I can do while trying to be social is self deprecating humor. If I'm making fun of myself, and you find it funny, the world is OK. Or if I'm being horribly cynical. That is equally as fun.
Person: "So what do you do since you don't go to school?"
Me: "Well, I basically lie on the carpet in the fetal position wishing I could've gotten into BYU, the Lord's University, with my 2.1 GPA."


Oh man...what was my point?

Oh yeah. A guy I had a crush on in high school is my new home teacher. He came over today to introduce himself to me. (Hello, like I didn't already know, hahaha. Come on, bud, I saw those looks you were giving me in our WebDesign B3 class. You wanted me and we all knew it. The jig is up.) And he asked me to tell him a bit about myself. My mind went all blank and I got subconciously defensive. I really need something scripted ready for those kind of questions.

Lessee here...

I'm a Leo. I don't enjoy long walks on the beach because sand is quite the impossible surface for my high heels. I'm not sure if I enjoy candlelight dinners, as I have never eaten during a power outage. I stay up all night for no reason whatsoever, thus forcing me to sleep through the day. I get snippy at people when they are dumb. I feel really bad after I'm snippy with someone. Although it doesn't stop me from turning around and doing it again. If I'm awake I'm probably giggling. Well, about 78.4% of the time. That is not an exaggeration, sadly. I am in denial that I am no longer a blonde, although I went brunette over 13 years ago. My eyes are brown no matter how much green tries to sneak its way in. I get obsessed with things and people easily. I like to learn about people. I think I've frightened away some friends, and they are now avoiding contact with me. I collect Sprite bottles and Got Milk? ads for no reason other than I find them both interesting. I make fun of my brothers bands but I have their songs on my iTunes and listen to them often. I don't like using my iPod in front of people because I hate being told my parents are rich because it is usually said in an accusatory tone. The same was true for my Palm Pilot in high school. I can't save money. I used to have about $1,400 in my savings account. I used $400 to get myself to and around DC and $250 for spending money while in DC last January. I've spent all but $26 of the rest. Most of my money is spent on food. I will drop $20 on a fun dinner out with friends without batting an eye, but will be hestiant about spending that same $20 on shoes or putting it toward a manicure. I make jokes about being chunky because it is far easier than coming to terms with it. I have not been on a date in over 3 years, which does not actually reflect how many times I've been asked out in the past 3 years. I just have an inate skill for accidental, though harsh, rejection. I have had a crush on almost all of my guyfriends at one point or another. I really think my little sister will get married before me. I wear heels although being really tall around shorter people makes me feeling slightly freakish. I have white spots on my two front teeth, they have always been there and probably will always be. I'm told they are from having a high fever at some point while my front teeth were forming at around age 7. I hate calling people on the phone. I have to psych myself out, even if calling close friends. When I was 12 I won a pie-eating contest against two older boys. I want to be pround but feel I should be slightly ashamed. I think I have ruined my left foot bones in some way caused by my wearing heels so often. It is painful to put pressure on the pad of my foot when wearing heels now. I try to have a close relationship with all of my nieces and nephews. I want to keep it that way. I was mad at my mother for making all the things in my bedroom--comforter, sheets, chair, etc--purple. It is now my favorite color and I have collected even more purple things for my bedroom. I almost wish I hadn't cheated on my orchestra practice cards in junior high and high school because I could probably play my cello better if I had actually done the practicing.


So, uh, tell me about yourself. Other than the fact that you can't seem to help but fall in love with me; I'm already aware of that.