Sarah: This is so good that I may make some inappropriate sounds like 'WHOA!!!'"
Eileen: Should we sit at another table?
---
Sarah: I decided a great name for a [Christian rock] band is "Screaming Jesus".
---
Susannah: I could never be a lesbian... I look horrible in flannel.
---
Sarah: I love how I keep staring at Scott, and you keep staring at Scott, and he keeps staring at us...
Susannah: Yet none of us say a word.
---
Sarah: They are back, zippers are up, and she successfully barfed her sourdough bread.
---
Sarah: Lemme let you in on a little secret, Toots; He likes him the ManLove.
---
Sarah: I've always thought my Mom resembled John Lennon.
---
Honeyman: "You're high mantainence"
Susannah: "Why do you say that? How so?"
Honeyman: "Like...you're a picky eater."
Susannah: "Says the guy who just sent back his steak because it was 'still moo-ing'???"
---
Me: Would you be embarrassed to be seen with me like this?
Ryan: Why are you wearing those?
Me: The heels hurt. These are so much more comfortable.
Ryan: ...said the fat lady in the sweat pants.
Me: Point well taken.
---
Susannah: "I was taking an IQ test and knew the answers, but decided it would take me too long to answer it. ...I am a lazy genius."
---
Dad: "I think she was trying to give herself a 75 cent tip."
Susannah: "I think you are more of a cynic than me."
---
Susannah: "It's a shame our boyfriend, Aaron, is married."
Dad: "I'll tell you one thing; he ain't MY boyfriend!"
---
Dad, pointing to two shrimp who were stuck together: "Honey, this is you and me on a cold morning."
Susannah: Awww; he's analogy-ing your love life with coconut shrimp. Hahahaha!!!"
---
Susannah: "How did you remember that?"
Meridith: "The song keeps playing in my head."
Dad: "She has photographic eardrums."
---
Dad, after rolling up a dollarbill and putting it in his ear: "Now I'm a cash-ear. Get it? Cashier?"
Susannah: "Boys are so weird."
---
Susannah: "There's just something about a skinny-yet-sexy barely-heterosexual guy dancing while in plastic clothing that I love."
---
Deborah: "I just coughed and a piece of corn flew that way {*looks*} ...I think. Do you see it over there?"
---
Susannah: "Look, the Teflon Bathroom® chick! The Teflon Bathroom® chick!"
Deborah: "Wow! Call them and tell them!!!"
---
Deborah: "Well, the Olympics are over."
Susannah: "Did you see the Iraqi Soccer Team?"
Deborah: "No, did they win?"
Susannah: "I dunno, but they’re supposed to be HOT."
Deborah: "Nah, I’ve seen ‘em. They look like terrorists."
---
Susannah: What was it that I said earlier that made me laugh so hard?
Deborah: Everything.
---
Susannah: "Stop that! I’ve been shushed 12 times in the past half-hour. I hate being shushed."
Dad: "Shush! (hehe)"
---
Susannah: "Oh yeah? I can shoot Diet Coke out of my toes...watch!"
Deborah: "I don't think she understood the point of the story."
---
Kyan Douglas: "Being handsome takes work. Do you think my face just happens?"
---
Meridith: "Would you be sad if you had hiccups all your life?
---
Aliesha: "I was trying to think of something that had a lot of flies."
Susannah:"Decomposing bodies?"
---
Clarke: "San Francisco is the portal to men... It's the portal to the wrinkle in time."
---
Clarke: "Do this: Put your hand over your heart and say: 'I, Meridith, promis to have a great time in San Francisco to the point I am shooting whipped cream out my nose"
Aliesha:"...and looking through the portal to the wrinkle in time"
---
Annie: "You're looking really good -- I was thinking that when you took off your shirt earlier."
Susie: "I really need to stop doing that."
---
Honeyman: i cant wait until next saturday
Susannah: Why? Is that when Lance is coming to my house? Well, I know about it now but I'll try to look surprised.
Honeyman: no... that is christy's birthday party. i might get some loving
Susannah: What? No Lance? A party for Christy? And YOU get loving? How is the weekend supposed to be fun for me?
Honeyman: Lance might be there
Susannah: Why didn't you say so in the first place? Geez, don't put me through that again.
---
H: "Dr. Phil is cool 'cause he's a redneck."
---
H: "John Edwards is attractive."
S: "Eww, why does everyone say that? No he is NOT!"
H: "If he was a Republican you would think he was!"
S: "No I would not! Dick Cheney is Republican and I'm not hot for him!"
H: "Eww, Dick Cheney."
S: "Well, he's more attractive than John Edwards!"
H: "Eww, no he's not. And Edwards has that southern thing going on, ya know."
S: "Gross, sick, and wrong."
---
Susannah: "He is a total gigglefest out there."
Sarah: "Yeah. ...I made out with that guy last night.
---
Deborah Patrick Henry: "Give me cheese hotdogs or give me death."
---
Susannah: "No, no, Meridith! Now get your toes off of me, your email will still be there in five minutes!"
---
Meridith: "So, I was doing yoga today and I pinched a nerve in my neck."
Susannah: "Haha. You were doing yoga so you had to put down your cappuccino
and take off your red Kabbala string?"
Dad: "Hahaha."
---
Meridith hides the screen as she types in her password]
Susannah: "I don't care, I'm not going to break into your dang [email] account. ...It was only funny once.
Meridith: "Yeah, that was so rude; I can't believe I fell for that."
---
Institute Teacher: "A big man in leopard print tights, a samuri-like ponytail, and two-- COUNT THEM TWO-- big snakes around his neck...so we had Thanksgiving with them and SnakeMan, Oh! Including two blue-haired Japanese strippers wearing a lot of latex for Thanksgiving."
---
Robb: "He's like 'do you have Parkinsons?' No, I just love coffee!"
---
Robb: "She's so cute. I just want to slap her!"
---
Robb: "Hi, my name is Robb, I'm a Sagittarius, I love long walks on the beach and candlelight dinners, and I'm into blondes and brunettes."
---
Robb: "She's died twice already. She's crazy; I love her!"
---
Robb: "You're a midget! That's so cute. --grab your camera!-- I just want to touch you!"
---
Robb: "I was so gay. Oh I love me!"
---
Robb: "It's a gated community. We got a gate because Wal-Mart people are crazy."
---
Robb: "I love the homeless people in Salt Lake. This dudes like, 'I know you have a dollar; nice boobies.' Sir, I'm a guy."
---
Robb: "She's crazy...and we should all write her a letter."
---
Honeyman:"Karen says you want me bad."
Susannah:"Don't worry; she's been known to lie."
---
Susannah: "Hey, where's my biscep?"
Meridith: "Haven't seen it!"
---
Meridith: "Are we going to continue playing?"
Dad: "Did you say 'bling bling'?"
---
Susannah: "I got numbed up, shot up, drilled up, & filled up."
---
Sarah on her roommates: "They couldn't hold an intelligent conversation if I wrote out a script."
---
Brady: "Girls find it attractive when a guy knows the real name of a plant."
Susannah: "Who lied to you when they said that?"
---
Susannah: "I feel like a midget is jumping on my chest."
---
Deborah: "Hey Liz, did you hear Suzanne is pregnant?"
Elizabeth: "Susannah's pregnant? Everyone's OK with this?"
Deborah: "Hahaha, No... Suzanne."
Susannah: "Yeah, right. I can't even get guys to talk to me."
---
Dog The Bounty Hunter: "You. Are. A. Crack. Head."
---
Susannah: "Do you like tomatoes in general?"
Caroline: "No, I've never been there."
---
Susannah: "Sometimes I wish I were black so I could be as smooth as Queen Latifah"
---
Mitch Hedberg: "I'm sick of following my dreams, man. From now on I'm just gonna ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."
---
Elizabeth: "All the black guys keep checking you out. What would mom say if you brought home a black boyfriend?"
Susannah: "Grandma's reaction would be reason enough for me."
---
Liz: "Which aisle would the dates be on?"
Sue: "I don't know; I've never been able to find dates. he he he, get it? ...Wow, I am my father's daughter."
---
Auntie Susie: Isn't it too scary?
Emma: The blaskislis is.
Susie: The what?
Caroline: The blassakiss, Emma.
Susie: Basilisk.
Emma: Baslisk.
Susie: Yeah.
Emma: Blaslakiss.
Susie: No, basilisk.
Emma: Blasslalisk.
Susie: Basilisk.
Emma: Snake.
---
[During "The Aviator, in which Alan Alda plays a senator]
Old Dude Behind Me: "Do you know who he reminds me of? He reminds me of Alan Alda. Does he remind you of Alan Alda?"
Old Lady Behind Me: "No."
Old Dude Behind Me: "Something about his mannerisms."
---
Susannah: "I don't like to think of them as cliches--merely embellishments to my sentences."
---
Dad: "I told him she was a special person."
Susannah: "Dad, that means fat."
---
Susannah: "The chick with the mustache is supposed to look like J.Lo?"
---
Aliesha: "He's a practice guy!"
---
Greg Behrendt: "I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.'"
---
Parker: "I think we are lost...because none of this is 'miliar to me."
---
Meridith: "I got cow eye juice on my shirt!"
---
Gloria: "You sound horrible, Meridith."
Susannah: "This is Susannah."
Gloria: "Oh. You sound even worse then!"
---
Susannah: How tall am I in these shoes?
Daddy: Too tall.
Susannah: Hey!
Daddy: I think you are afraid to attract guys.
Susannah: You're just now figuring this out?
---
Susannah: Are you alone?
Meridith: No, Mom is with me.
Susannah: Oh, well that's fine.
Mom: Hi; where is your shirt?
Susannah: In the kitchen; hehe...I was hot.
---
Caroline: "It smells like butter-cotch. It may not smell like butter-cotch to you, but it is disgusting!"
---
Aaron: "You're a cutie-patootie."
Susannah, turning to Honeyman: "Ryan, I think I'm in love."
---
Sarah: "I gotta be honest with you though, trying to translate a pregnancy test from English to Spanish was difficult."
---
{This is harassment.}
Sarah: "No it's not sir, you haven't even spoken yet, how can you be harassing me?"
---
AJ: "Bunch of dirty Koreans."
---
Aaron: "Sometimes I'm amazed at how in love we are."
---
Mikie: "Screw smelling like an attractive man, I want to smell like a lime snocone!"
---
Sarah: "We were watching CSI: Miami and there was this dead guy and my dad goes, 'He's gay.' I was like, 'How can you tell? He's dead.' He was like, 'You just can--they all look the same.'"
---
Meridith: "I'm just glad you don't drink--that's all I can say."
---
Caroline: "Go pick up your toys. Eat your lunch. Make your bed. Be nice. Smell my feet. I taste like chicken nuggets. I am a little birdy flapping in the road, the road. Do your hair. You go to school NOW. You have to play Simon Says with me! I will make funny faces today. Emma, that's a silly picture of you. Well, I like flowers with ponytails. I like Auntie's soft soft hair. The hippopotamus jumped on my bed. Hahahahahaha. Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most." (She was literally rambling for a solid minute.)
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