I really don't think I was created to do that much jumping

So in my lastest quest for skinniness I have refused to go to a gym. Heck, I've refused to go in public at all, actually. I have become a slave to work-out videos.

I refuse to do ANY "Sweatin' to the Oldies" because: A) They bore me. B) Richard Simmons has better thighs than I will ever have, and I may become jealous. and C) The Unies frighten me. (The Unies are the two people in the videos whom Deborah and I can not figure out if they are male or female. They are Unies. [You-Knees])

I have four "The Firm" videos but I do not have the lil weighted stick nor the "Fanny Lifter" so I can be found bouncing around my living room with a pool cue and a folding chair. It's pathetic, really.

I have two Paula Abdul videos, which really are the pride of my collection. My favorite is "CardioDance" because I sit on the couch and watch her back up...dancer?, John. Meow! Plus, CardioDance was created in, like, '96 or '97. Paula has normal hair and not that insane thing she had on her head in the late 80s. I've done that video so many times that I don't need it on to do it; I have it memorized. I can do the "Military Groove" with the best of them. I now talk for Paula, which is pretty fun. "Just two more times", "Step, step, get out of my way, step, step, get out of my way, run, run, lift the knees", "groove up, groove out, slide, open the knees, groove up, groove out, slide, open the knees", "little hip, little hip, and faster now".
I turned on the second Paula Abdul video today. Ha! Ha! Ha! It is frightening, actually. Big hair, bad music, horrible dance moves. A blast.